


Don't Put a Price On Me

by kekneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abuse Mentions, Alcoholism, Angst, Implied Sexual Abuse, M/M, Mention of Suicide/Attempts, Non-Ghoul AU, Smut, Torture Mentions, additional tags added as we go along tbh, sexual abuse mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:39:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3414428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekneki/pseuds/kekneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Non-Ghoul! AU</p><p>****</p><p>Kaneki found himself to be a very lonely person, living a lonely life and probably going for a lonely future. As he strives to forget each week while it passes, a certain ball of sunshine shimmies his way past Kaneki's clouds of depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drown Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> i write too much hidekane  
> tumblr tag hidekane-senpai please notice me one day  
> ,,,,,  
> that was rlly dumb
> 
> first multi-chapter hidekane that ISN'T two-part smut  
> but i'm not saying there WON'T be smut  
> wonk  
> also other characters to be added  
> also the first hidekane NOT incoporated into the DDTS series, SHOCKER
> 
> so yeah enjoy friends <3

Kaneki sighed, his eyes getting blurry with the mix of his held back tears and the alcohol he let flow into his system all willy-nilly. It was his night off from work, so he planned to try and forget the past week like he did every night off. He settled himself in a local bar, sitting himself in the same booth with the window facing the lit-up streets, reading the same, depressing book since he could never bring himself to actually finish each time he read it. At this point, he was starting to lose interest, and debated going home to clock in for the night. His apartment was only a short walk away, but he was weary of going outside due to the other drunken bodies outside that might disrespect his privacy and personal space.

He was a young man well into his college years. He worked at a café a few blocks from his house, in addition to going to school. The only friends he had were those he met at work, and maybe one or two school friends, but that was it. Kaneki wasn’t much of a people person, which is why he never went to partying bars with his friends; he would rather be alone when he was drinking. He knew the second someone got his guard down while he was intoxicated, Kaneki would just pour out whatever was on his mind. And in this case; it was his sad, regretful past.

Kaneki’s parents died young, his mother’s death being more of an impact on him. He was brought up by a neglectful aunt, and lived by himself with the occasional visit from a buddy. He had a few girlfriends here and there, but all of them hurt him in some way. His latest ex was one who probably scarred him the most, but he tried his hardest not to talk about her. In fact, she was probably the reason why he’d rather drown in blood mixed with alcohol than water. His face was red from his drink and from sadness; Kaneki was just about at this limit. It was about time he would head home to go and be on his own once again.

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

Kaneki’s eyes moved to the taller, blonde young man with the toothy smile. He looked to be a bit tipsy himself, holding a half-empty bottle in his hand. His eyes were a chocolate brown color and a bit glassy from his own intake. What really made him pop out were the bulky headphones around his neck and his duck yellow jacket. He was quite the catch.

“U-Uh, well… I mean…” Kaneki stuttered a little bit. How was he supposed to handle this? “I was just about to…”

“Leave?” The young man finished his sentence. “Aw, that’s no fun, man. It’s so early into the night!” He gladly sat himself down across from Kaneki. His bottle hit the table with a ‘clink’, being set down beside him. Kaneki was a bit uncomfortable with the presence; he wasn’t getting out of this easily. “So, what’s your name?”

“…Kaneki Ken.” Kaneki’s voice was uncertain.

“Kaneki. You can call me Hide.” Hide nodded enthusiastically, sipping from his bottle. “So, what’s an eye-catching young guy like you doing in a dead spot like this, huh? You look like a book worm, so I wouldn’t expect you to be the party type…”

“Not really, no…” Kaneki shook his head meekly. “I’d rather be alone when I’m drinking.”

“That’s no fun.” Hide shook his head. “You’d have eyes on that body quicker than flies on a light, you know?”

“U-Uhh… thank you?”

“You know, Kaneki…” Hide’s words began to get a bit slurred as he rambled on. “Normally, I’m into chicks, but you… you’re catching my eye a bit, you know?”

“A-Ah….”

Hide chuckled at Kaneki’s nervous noises, placing a firm hand on the other’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? Not used to compliments? Because I think you should be showered in them.”

 

“Look, I really need to get home…”

“Nah.” Hide shook his head, squeezing Kaneki’s shoulder. “Stay with me and chat for a bit, yeah? I wanna know more about you.”

The conversation between the two went on for quite a while. Kaneki had downed more drinks since the opportunity presented itself (plus Hide was buying anyways). Why was this stranger talking to him? Kaneki never found himself attracted to the same sex either, but something about Hide charmed him a little bit. Then again, it could’ve just been the alcohol working its magic again. Kaneki’s moral judgment was so curved by the drinks, he could barely tell what was right and wrong anymore. Hide kept talking about himself and Kaneki kept listening, occasionally injecting a few statements of his own. The two managed to share a few laughs between each other, and for once, Kaneki felt comfortable with a person other than his work mates.

Apparently Hide and Kaneki had been classmates before, and even attended the same college. It was a really weird coincidence, and both were surprised that they never realized it before. Hide gleefully saw it as a chance for a new friendship (or something a bit deeper, considering all of the compliments and winks he showered Kaneki with). Hide’s goofy smile became a bit more genuine as the conversation progressed. Kaneki began to open up a bit more as well, which worried him a little in the back of his mind. He knew he was going to say something he regretted, or Hide would ask a triggering question of sorts.

“Hey, Kaneks…” Hide was already starting to become a bit informal. “You got a girlfriend or anything?”

Kaneki gulped a little, but kept his own silly disposition up. “Nah… we broke up not t-too long ago…”

“What a shame man, she lost something great.” Hide provided another wink. “Hey, Kaneks, I wanna ask you another question.”

“What is it?”

“If… If I told you I wanted your b-body…” Hide hiccupped between his words, breaking out into little giggles. “Would you hold it a-against me…?”

Kaneki couldn’t help but snort and break out into his own laughter. He couldn’t distinguish what was funnier; what Hide said, or how he said it. His brain was so jacked with the toxic intake of alcohol; Kaneki couldn’t help but break out into endless, uncontrollable laughter. Hide eventually joined him, and got some odd expressions from the other, more silent patrons. Some of them chuckled nervously, trying to ignore the two broken young men in the exposed booth. Even a few outsiders began to stare, something of them joining in the drunken laughter. Eventually, it died down enough for the two to catch their breath. Hide finished one of his bottles, keeping his grin towards Kaneki.

“H-Hey, giggly boy. You wanna head to my place tonight?”


	2. To The Last Drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made this chapter so much longer than i needed to
> 
>  
> 
> smut ahead

Before Kaneki could refuse, Hide was already dragging him out of the booth and to the outside. Hide left a random tip on the table before storming out, trying to drag Kaneki along in the direction of his own residence. It was in the opposite direction of Kaneki’s apartment, which would prove to be troublesome in the morning for him. For now, however, that wasn’t the main point of concern. Kaneki’s heart was racing from both the excitement that was approaching him and the anxiety of being randomly dragged down the street by a drunken stranger.

Kaneki didn’t know what he was in for. He was far from sexually innocent in all respects and definitely wasn’t a virgin, but the idea that it was a male subject this time made him a bit wary. He wondered if Hide was aware of it either; maybe he wasn’t. Or maybe he didn’t particularly care. Either way, it was unfamiliar whether Hide had experience or not. Maybe he was just a mindless, horny virgin. Then again, his atmosphere didn’t match up with that assumption. All in all, Kaneki had no idea what to expect from the blonde man.

Hide was bubbly with excitement as the two approached his residence. He was a bit mindless at the moment, digging in his pockets for his keys to let them in. He had plans for Kaneki; something about the young man perked his senses and teased his eyes. It could’ve been Kaneki’s voice, or his fresh body, or his attitude. Hide couldn’t specifically determine what it was, but whatever it was; it was certainly enticing, and Hide wanted to explore it further. 

“H-Heh, it’s a bit messy inside, so I apologize.” Hide chuckled quietly, clicking the door open and walking inside with Kaneki. He shut the door behind them quickly, and then turned to Kaneki who was slipping off his shoes (although he just ended up kicking them aside in an intoxicated frustration). Hide did the same, then snuck up behind the other, making Kaneki jump.

“Hey Hide, I-I’m… I’m not much of’a people person…” Kaneki started swaying a bit with his slurred words; was starting to really affect his head. He mumbled butchered nothings after that sentence, which made Hide giggle a bit in amusement.

“It’s aw’right, Kaneks.” He reassured the other. “I’ll be easy on you, you know?” Hide grinned with his teeth, sloppily spinning the other around so they were facing each other. Their faces got a bit blushed at the sight of each other. Hide licked his lips in anticipation, quickly pushing in to steal a kiss.

It tasted and reeked of beer to Kaneki, but it was oddly charming. Something about being kissed by a man was more fulfilling to Kaneki; Hide didn’t hold back, but he also didn’t go completely overboard and force it to the point of pain. After a few seconds, Hide pulled back, a bit flustered with himself. Before he could say anything he found himself going in for another kiss. This one lasted a bit longer, and Kaneki put up more of a response. Then another, and another, another… 

Eventually, they finally found a spot to separate. Hide couldn’t stop himself from licking his lips; he tasted something beyond the alcohol on Kaneki’s breath. It was something tempting and sweet and innocent… and Hide wanted it to himself.

“H-Hey, Kaneki…” Hide’s face was hot and his voice was a little hoarse. “L-Let’s… let’s relocate. I’m pretty sure you’d be more comfortable on my bed than a couch.”

“More comfortable…?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow, and could feel himself be pulled by the other in some unknown direction. Was Hide implying that he wanted to sleep with him? Probably. Definitely. 

Kaneki never saw himself ever having casual sex with a stranger, let alone with a guy. Being someone who committed to their girlfriend and only her, it was unfamiliar in pretty much every aspect and point of view. Kaneki remembered being on the verge of tears earlier, and now he was just a mix of nervous, excited, and surprisingly aroused with the occasional giggle. Hide’s bedroom wasn’t as untidy as his main room, his bed being made to perfection. Hide led Kaneki to sit on the bed, and Hide stood in front of him, lowering himself down and perfectly straddling himself onto Kaneki’s lap.

“Hmm, your lap is nice and snug, Kaneks…” Hide placed a kiss on Kaneki’s forehead. “It’s s-so much better than any girl I’ve ever gone down on, ya know?”

“U-Uh…” The anxiety began to kick in. How does Kaneki even respond to that?

“Shussssssh.” Hide put a finger to Kaneki’s lips. “Hush, babe. I got this. I-I’m gonna treat you like a fucking princesss… err, I mean prince. Yeah.” Even with his sloppy words, Hide made up for it by initiating another kiss. This one was deeper, his tongue sliding across Kaneki’s lower lip eagerly. Kaneki was hesitant at first, but slowly opened his mouth for the other when he felt it was right. The taste of alcohol was stronger, but the heat between the two climbed twice as fast. Kaneki’s curiosity and fascination increased; being intimate with another man seemed to be more enticing to him than any other time with his exes. Perhaps he should’ve thought of doing something like this a while ago. Even if it was the alcohol creating the illusion, that didn’t stop either of them.

Kaneki flopped down onto the bed, pulling Hide with him. Eventually, the kiss ended with a thread of saliva still connecting their lips. Hide showed a smirk, his eyes flickering with a spark of lust that would soon grow to be a flame. He experimentally grinded his lower body down on top of the other man, knowing he would get a reaction. Kaneki hummed and mumbled underneath him, which only enticed Hide more. He managed to suppress his own noises for now; he wanted to dominate the other first.

“That feel good, Kaneks?” Hide asked teasingly, licking his lips again. “You moan like a virgin, dude. Were you ever topped by a past girl before?” He assumed not. He was right.

Kaneki only moaned and slurred his mumbled nothings in reply. This felt amazing to him, and he didn’t want it to stop. The heat was picking up in his pants, and Hide could definitely feel it through his own. Hide’s smirk only grew as he was a bit rougher, unzipping his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Next, he pulled off his headphones and let them fall as well. It was beginning to get hot in the room all of a sudden to Hide, and he could tell that Kaneki felt the same.

“G-God, man… you’re so sensitive even to this. I wonder how you’d b-be without all your clothes, hmmm?” He tugged demandingly on Kaneki’s sweater, taking a couple seconds to process that it wouldn’t exactly work with him on top of Kaneki at the same time. He laughed at his own mistake, getting off the other almost stumbling backwards on the floor. “C’mon man, shed your layers,”

Kaneki sat up, unconsciously slipping out of his sweater while Hide took off his t-shirt. It felt a bit odd, just unromantically stripping themselves instead of each other. Kaneki snuck a few glances at Hide as Kaneki unbuttoned his own shirt. Hide was a pretty attractive guy; his skin was almost flawless and his body was toned. Maybe he worked out. Kaneki’s fingers stopped a few buttons before the bottom of his shirt. He had to analyze what he was about to reveal. He gulped a bit nervously, leaving his shirt to hang open while he fiddled with his belt.

Hide raised an eyebrow at Kaneki, trying to take off his own belt. “Hey, why’s your shirt not off? You shy?”

Kaneki shook his head meekly. “Well, i-it’s not because I’m shy, but-“

“Awww, c’mon. The only one who’s gonna eat you up is me.” Hide spoke playfully, leaning over to unbutton Kaneki’s shirt the rest of the way. His eyes widened a bit towards Kaneki’s stomach as he pulled both ends of the shirt apart. Long, faded scars were spread across the skin from end to end of his abdomen. Hide wasn’t sure if he should’ve been fascinated or worried, but the cloudy booze high caused him to giggle it off. “W-Wow, you got some war scars there.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Kaneki looked way. The last thing he wanted to do was explain himself.

“Don’t give me that. It’s fine, you know.” Hide grinned. “Surgery scars happen, right? It’s not’a big deal. Now…” Hide eyed Kaneki’s trembling hands. “I’m gonna help you with your belt.”

Kaneki let Hide do as he pleased, relieved that Hide didn’t question him further. It took Hide a matter of seconds to unhook and pull off the belt. He eagerly pulled off Kaneki’s jeans, revealing the indiscreet bulge that stuck up through Kaneki’s boxers. Hide eyed it curiously, but decided to take off his own pants before performing any action. Once that was over with, he repeated the earlier motion; getting back on top of Kaneki and covering his forehead in kisses. Once Kaneki was on his back again, Hide continued to grind down on him.

“T-This feels so much better without clothing, huh?” Hide asked, teasing once again. “Mmmm… I bet you know what I wanna do next, right?”

Kaneki nodded with his heated and flushed face. Hide smirked once again, getting off of Kaneki and off the bed. He went for a bedside table, opening the drawer and rummaging through it. He hummed and mumbled to himself as Kaneki sat up and watched him in awe and interest. After a few minutes, Hide tossed a small bottle on the bed. Following that was a something wrapped in purple, which Kaneki assumed was a condom. Better safe than sorry.

The drawer was shut and Hide turned back around, getting back up on the bed and sitting beside Kaneki, taking the bottle and the condom into his hands. “Hmm… you ever been pegged before?”

Kaneki shook his head, and then swallowed. Hide was actually serious about doing this?

“Good. I’ve never fucked up someone’s ass, either. Looks like we’re both beginners, huh?”

Kaneki laughed in the goofy, drunken atmosphere he was in. Though overall, it really didn’t amuse him that much. Such dry humor this one had.

“Don’t worry, babe. I-I’ll make sure I don’t hurt you or anything. Now…” Hide thought for a moment, then caught an idea. “Take off your boxers, man. I’ll do the same.”

Kaneki followed his instructions plainly, and both did exactly that. When Hide was exposed, he flung his own undergarments off h bed. Afterwards, he laid back, letting his back lean against the pillows on the headboard. When Kaneki happened to glance over, Hide motioned for the other to come closer. Kaneki was a bit slow at first, until Hide pulled him quickly so Kaneki was hovering right over Hide. The bottle and the condom were right to Hide, and his hand went for the bottle.

“W-Wait…” Kaneki spoke. “You’re not going to… put it in already, are you?”

“Of course not. I have more decency than that.” Hide replied, popping open the bottle and squirting some of the lube onto the fingers of his opposite hand. “I know to lube up for anyone, babe. You look like you’d be especially tight, anyways…”

Kaneki tried to hide his annoyed embarrassment. Hide’s dirty talk went a bit overboard sometimes. Even went as far as to show a pout on his face, which earned a chuckle from Hide.

“You’re even cute when you’re drunk and angry, Kaneki.” Hide’s lubed fingers creeped toward Kaneki’s backside. His other hand put the bottle back on the bed, then went back there as well to get a grab of Kaneki’s ass. “Mmmm… you’ve got something to grab, at least. I’ll be as gentle as I can, so let me know if it hurts…”

Kaneki nodded, and the first finger slowly moved in. Kaneki flinched and whined, completely overwhelmed by the new feeling. It didn’t hurt as much as he expected it to, but it still hurt him a little bit. Hide gave it a few seconds before he pushed inside a bit further. It was tight and warm around his finger, and he could only imagine how it would feel with something other than that. Soon, he slowly began to thrust his finger, trying not to make the other too uncomfortable.

A second finger soon joined the first and Kaneki bite down on his lip hard enough to probably make it bleed. It hurt a bit more with the extra pressure, but he tried to tough it out. Hide soon started to slowly and gradually scissor his fingers in hope to spread Kaneki a bit more. He could hear the whimpers of the other loud and clear; he was starting to feel a little bad.

“H-Hey, don’t worry… I promise it won’t hurt later.” Hide tried to reassure the other. Like he actually knew ONE THING about anal. “Let me just add some more…”

Hide pulled his fingers out, quickly squeezing more lube onto them and promptly but slowly sliding them back in. It was a bit of a relief with the extra moisture added. Kaneki’s whines became a bit less frequent and Hide sighed with a little relief. At least he wasn’t hurting the other as much anymore. His fingers began to scissor again, trying to continue their previous job. At the same time, he was also trying to push them in deeper.

“Now… let’s see what makes you tick…” Hide chuckled, pushing his fingers almost as deeply as he could before pulling them back out, and slowly thrusting them back in. At firs het didn’t get much of a reaction, but one he began doing it repeatedly and at a faster pace, he gained a bit of a hum from the other. Meanwhile, his other hand kept repeatedly squeezing Kaneki’s ass, enjoying the feeling.

Kaneki’s breaths started to get a bit heavy. He remembered trying to experiment with this sort of thing on his own in the past, but he could never seem to get it right for himself. He felt like something about Hide’s fingers was magical, or something ridiculous like that. In fact, every touch to his body so far felt odd from Hide. Perhaps it was Kaneki’s own craving of the stranger. Just maybe.

About ten minutes passed. Kaneki got a bit more vocal with Hide’s fingers inside of him. Hide had a smirk back on his face once again as he watched the other squirm and move with his fingers. He was feeling satisfied with himself; the alcohol began to make him giggly again, and he even debated on taking a bottle or two once it was all over. Just to laugh about it with the other. Somehow, he also had the idea that he’d be too exhausted.

“Hey, Kaneki?” Hide spoke up. “You want more, babe?”

Kaneki thought for a moment, and then nodded hesitantly. Thoughts raced through his mind; the sensation wasn’t completely wonderful, but it increasingly improved. How much better could it get if Hide’s fingers were replaced by another factor?

Hide nodded, pulling out his fingers. He got the condom in his in hand, quickly ripping off the wrapper and sliding it over his cock. Kaneki only kept his eyes closed, not really wanting to watch and anticipating nervously for what would come next. Hide grabbed the lube again, wanting to coat the condom in it even though it was already lubed. Better safe than sorry.

Still, even despite his precautions, Hide knew that Kaneki was nervous about it. For how talkative he was being anyways, Hide was surprised he didn’t ask Kaneki about any of this earlier. He looked up at Kaneki from the worn condom, and saw that his eyes were closed. His spare hand went up to cup Kaneki’s cheek, and then pulled his face down for a kiss. It didn’t take long for their tongues to get involved, and Kaneki’s nerves eased a little. Meanwhile, Hide pushed Kaneki a little bit so his behind was hovering right over Hide’s cock. Hide pulled away from the kiss, putting his hand on his shaft and facing it upward.

“You’re not sitting up far enough…” Kaneki lifted himself off of Hide to improve his posture. “Okay, good… Go down easy, babe. No rush.”

Kaneki nodded. He let himself lower down slowly, feeling the space being taken up. The pain came back, but not as intensely as before. He kept going until he was practically sitting down. Hide’s fingers didn’t go in that deeply, but at least Kaneki could take it. Hide looked at the other, a bit worried with his current state. It felt great to Hide, but he was more concerned on whether or not Kaneki was feeling any pain. Kaneki gave it some more time before he started moving by himself; he lifted himself up slightly, and then dropped back down. He was doing it right… right?

Hide hissed a little in reply. No girl that he ever was intimate with was so… natural at this. “G-God, you’re so fucking tight, babe…” Hide spoke under his breath. Both of his hands went back to Kaneki’s behind, gripping and massaging it to go along with Kaneki’s movements. “J-Just like that, go slow…”

Hide’s words of encouragement were a bit helpful to Kaneki. At least didn’t want to rush into it so much, unlike his past partners. Kaneki finally brought himself to move a bit faster, his hands on either side of ide’s head moving to his chest in order to balance himself. With Hide inside of him, Kaneki felt… filled. It was an oddly satisfying feeling. The feeling of Hide’s cock constantly moving around inside of him and stimulating him was something he wanted even more of. “A-ahhh… ahhh, a-ahhh…” Kaneki’s noises were soft, but Hide heard them loud and clear.

“M-Moan louder….” Hide mumbled, his hands moving up to Kaneki’s hips. “I w-wanna hear you say my name…”

“M-Mmmnnn…” Kaneki got himself to move faster once again. In a couple of minutes, it became inadequate. He felt the need to pick up speed, but he could only do so much on his own. Hide’s hands on his hips only helped a little bit. Perhaps he would have to be more vocal about it. “Hahh… H-Hah…”

“Y-You all right?” Hide asked, just to check in. Kaneki’s noises were improving, but he felt it necessary to ask. It was sort of common courtesy to him.

“H-Harder…” Kaneki managed to mumble. He felt like he was going to explode from embarrassment.

 

“You want more…? You’re g-gonna have to be more convincing than that…” Hide snickered a little. “C-Come on, tell me what you want…”

“H-Hi… Hide.” Kaneki guiltily muttered the other’s name. “M-More… please…”

“More of me? Y-You asked so nicely…” Hide gently motioned for Kaneki to get off, and he did so with reluctance. Hide sat up, and then pushed the other back down onto his back. Kaneki was flushed and confused a bit at first, then he saw Hide loom over him. The lust in his eyes was visible, and flickered down at Kaneki intensely. “It’s okay though… I need more of that sweet ass anyways…”

Hide positioned himself, slowly sliding back inside of Kaneki so he wouldn’t have to wait any longer. He gave the other a minute to adjust before he started moving. To Kaneki, it felt different for Hide to be in control. It felt better because he had more power and strength in his position. Kaneki’s hands gripped the bed sheets and his steady noises worked themselves back into the groove. “A-Ahhh… H-Hide…”

“M-Mmmnn… let me d-do all the work, babe.” Hide licked his lips at the other.

Hide’s speed increasing gradually, as did the intensity of everything else. Somehow, Kaneki couldn’t bring himself to try and look away from Hide. Their eyes were locked on each other; it could almost be described as passionate, despite the alcohol in the mix of the lust. Hide felt the same way; he kept his eyes locked on Kaneki, almost in a possessive way. Even if he didn’t take it like that, the undertone existed.

“D-Don’t… don’t stop looking a-at me…” Hide spoke under his breath. “B-Babe, you feel so good… oh my g-god…”

Hide lowered his head as his went harder, planting kisses on Kaneki’s neck. One of Kaneki’s hands went into Hide’s hair, getting tangled in the blonde locks. Hide’s head moved from Kaneki’s neck to his lips. The kiss was heated and intense, both falling instantly into it. Hide wrapped his arms around the other, using almost his full strength to move on the other. Kaneki’s moans tickled Hide’s tongue, but that was merely help to him.

He pulled himself away from the kiss, looking back into Kaneki’s eyes. “K-Kah… K-Kaneki, you’re so p-perfect right now…”

Kaneki was genuinely surprised underneath it all. It was probably the first of few times that Hide actually referred to Kaneki by name. the mix, the heat was almost overwhelming; Kaneki could feel that familiar pressure build up in his stomach and move down. Even with that, he didn’t close his eyes. “H-Hide…” Kaneki whined up to him, trying to get his attention.

“M-Mmm… W-What is it…?”

“I-I… hah…! I-I’m gonna…”

Hide silenced him by planting a kiss on his mouth, then catching his own breath. “S-Say no more… I am t-too…”

The kiss continued soon after words were exchanged. Hide wanted to feel all of Kaneki’s noises in his mouth. He wanted to catch every sweet, muffled moan for himself. Kaneki broke the kiss the second he felt his climax come along, and Hide slowed down just after the peak of it. He didn’t wish to overwhelm the other, but picked up speed again quickly for his own. He recognized the warming latex around his cock, and felt something sticky on his stomach. Their dysfunctional kiss broke, strings of saliva keeping their lips together.

Hide soon pulled out, lying down next to other. He glanced over to see Kaneki’s body bulging upwards and downward heavily as he tried to catch his breath. Hide sat himself up enough to flip himself over so his head was on the pillow. He tapped Kaneki’s foot, getting his attention.

“H-Hey, giggly. Come sleep with me.”


	3. Morning Digits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this took forever  
> i started work and stuff and then school is overbearing af  
> i'm sorry  
> but look there's plot devleopment  
> sort of  
> kind of  
> i'm sorry

Hide could feel the pounding in his head. Luckily, the curtains were closed in his room, so the sunlight didn’t completely fry his circuits. He opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the pain. He felt like he had a hangover like none other, probably topping every other weekend he’s had so far in his drinking years. He sat up, rubbing his head to try and relieve the pain. At that moment, he felt something rustle next to him, and then groan a little bit.

Oh. Right.

Kaneki was sound asleep next to him, probably just as hung-over or less. The memories of the previous night began to get back to Hide’s head and he nodded. Right; Kaneki was his next bed trip. And quite the satisfying one. Hide never really saw himself getting with another dude, but perhaps it was something he could experiment with. Kaneki was a good time, and perhaps Hide could go through with it more.

Kaneki was pretty cute when he slept, Hide thought to himself gleefully. He looked down to notice that he was still wearing the condom from the previous night to his own displeasure. He pulled it off, trying to ignore how undeniably gross that was. He tossed it into a small waist bin on his side of the bed, and stood up. His headache made him a bit dizzy, but he was okay to move around. Hide saw a blanket on the floor, then went to swoop it up and cover the still sleeping Kaneki for the time being.

Hide decided that he would shower for the moment. He would let Kaneki sleep a bit and keep the curtains and bedroom door closed. Once Hide showered, he would check in on Kaneki, and probably wake him up since it would be sort of inconsiderate to just leave him there. He nabbed a towel from the hook on his door before he left the room, being sure that the door would close quietly. Once that was done, he eagerly headed for the bathroom and shut the door, then proceeded to turn on the hot water.

He stepped into the shower as soon as he could, knowing it would soothe him a little bit. Even so, Hide could still feel the pounding in his head pretty powerfully. Maybe he’d brew some coffee and pour some cereal with some aspirin or something along those lines. Those were his usual rituals for his hangovers. Hide just hoped that Kaneki wasn’t sick or anything; the last thing Hide wanted to do on a hangover morning was clean up someone’s barf off of his carpet. Again.

Kaneki groaned repeatedly in his sleep, rubbing his eyes before shifting positions in the bed. He felt the spot next to him with his hand; it was warm, but empty as of recent from what he could tell. He didn’t remember the blanket being on him, but it was still nice. Hide must’ve thrown it on him when he woke up, which would explain why it felt like he wasn’t there. Kaneki’s eyes opened slowly, adjusting slowly to the dimmed room. The pain in his head felt like someone attempted to gouge his eyes out; he almost didn’t want to wake up.

In fact, he couldn’t really bring himself to do as much as move his head. Kaneki was basically immobilized; the slightest movement would make him feel nauseous. Not to mention the horrid pain in his lower body pulsed even when he wasn’t moving. He hummed with a grimace; Hide was probably going to have to take care of him, assuming Hide was generous enough. At least Hide didn’t just kick him out onto the streets after they were done or anything like that.

Oh, RIGHT.

Kaneki’s memories of the previous night made his face go red. He still couldn’t believe he actually did that, and with a guy at most. It wasn’t in his nature to casually offer out his body like that, but something or other with the alcohol probably convinced him otherwise. Even afterwards, something about Hide was captivating to Kaneki. He couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was; maybe it wasn’t necessarily sexual or romantic, but it still lingered in his thoughts.

Time passed, and Kaneki still couldn’t bring himself to move. Hopefully Hide would be willing to assist him, and not just either leave him there or force him out of bed. Kaneki had to at least hope Hide was genuinely nice; alcohol doesn’t define everyone. He decided for the time being that he would at least keep his eyes closed; even doing as much as staring blankly at a wall was too much strain for his head. Even the sound of footsteps and the door opening was too loud for him.

Wait.

“Hey, Kaneki…?” Hide was sure to speak as softly as he could. He was dripping wet from his shower, wearing a towel around his waist. “You awake…?”

Some rustling and a groan was Kaneki’s response.

Hide grinned a little, shutting the door behind him as he stood near Kaneki on the bed. Hide placed a hand on what he guessed was Kaneki’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “I’m gonna get dressed really quick, then I’ll take care of you.” Hide’s hand left his shoulder, and Hide eagerly went to his closet to try and pick something out. Not only for himself, but also for Kaneki; he assumed his clothing from the previous night probably reeked of more alcohol than either of them were comfortable with. 

He quickly dried himself off while trying to dress himself. He leaned over to his dresser to grab boxers before he put on his shorts. He also nabbed a pair for Kaneki, hoping that they would fit for the time being. He was used to lending out clothes for any ‘visitors’ he would have for the night, but usually they would be out of bed at this point. If anything, Hide was a little worried about Kaneki; hopefully he wasn’t seriously sick or anything.

Hide just grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants for the other, setting them down on the end of the bed before sitting next to the groaning lump. He rubbed the top of the blankets, trying to put Kaneki at ease. “Can you sit up…?””

“…Not really.” Kaneki grumbled, uncovering his head a little bit. “My head is killing me…”

“Yeah, same for me too. I was gonna run up to my kitchen and set up some coffee, maybe grab some painkillers…”

“My lower body hurts ,too…”

“Heh. Means I did a good job for my first time, right?”

Kaneki groaned at him.

“…Right.” How awkward. “Look, I’ll go start stuff up… unless you want to try and stand…”

“I can try to…” Kaneki fidgeted in the blanket before managing to prop himself up by his elbows. He whined in the pain he felt down below, gritting his teeth. Hide used his hands to gently pull Kaneki up, so he was at least sitting up on his own. Both of Kaneki’s hands were on his own head, his fingers tangling in the locks of his hair. Hide could tell that Kaneki’s migraine was probably even worse than his own.

“Okay, I got some clothes for you.” Hide picked them back up from the end of the bed. “Since you’re only sitting up, we can just start with the t-shirt. I mean, unless you’d prefer your previous clothing…”

Kaneki shook his head. “No, it probably reeks…”

“Thought so. I can wash your clothes later, but for now we should get you dressed.”

Kaneki moved as much as he could, even though it caused him pain. Hide was pretty surprised with himself he was a bit more patient with Kaneki than he was with anyone else he’d taken home so far. There wasn’t usually this much aftercare into the morning. Then again, Hide easily assumed that Kaneki was only drinking because he was upset, and Hide wasn’t about that life or seeing other people upset. Maybe that was the reason he approached Kaneki the previous night. He couldn’t imagine what Kaneki would’ve done if he went home.

Kaneki’s stomach caught Hide’s eye again. He remembered the scars on the skin faintly from last night, but decided to hold his tongue for the moment; it looked to be a personal thing. He tried not to look, but they almost resembled surgical scars to Hide. He finally got them out of his mind as he, with Kaneki’s cooperation, pulled the shirt over Kaneki’s head.

“…I’m sorry.” Kaneki mumbled under his breath.

“Sorry for what?” Hide raised an eyebrow.

“You have to take care of me like I’m some child. I went and messed myself up with the drinks…”

“And then I gladly took your drunken ass home. And we spent some… ‘time’ together. I initiated all of it, man.” Hide showed a grin. “None of it’s your fault, you know.”

Kaneki shrugged sheepishly. “You don’t have to do anything…”

“Yeah, but I want to. I’d feel bad if I just left you here dying in my bed. Besides, my sheets are probably dirty as hell and reek of alcohol. Can you stand?”

“Uh… I can try to… my head calmed down a little bit.”

“Give it a shot, Kaneks.”

Kaneki managed to get his legs hanging off the bed with some whining and difficulty. Slowly, he managed to get himself to stand, feeling the entirety of the pain center into his backside. He grit his teeth and his legs shook a bit below him, but he was at least able to sustain standing up.

Hide let his eyes wander a little. Ah, yes. “Wow, even when I’m sober I can tell you’re a catch.”

Kaneki then realized that he was half naked, covering his crotch immediately. “H-Hey! Quit it!”

Hide was amused. “I’m kidding, god! Look, I’m gonna head over to my kitchen and try and prep some munchies and painkillers. The rest of your borrowed clothes are on the bed. Once you’re dressed, kitchen’s to your right.” Hide walked to the door, looking back at Kaneki briefly before leaving the room.

Once Hide was out of sight, Kaneki quickly got himself dressed and somewhat proper, trying to ignore the pain, well, everywhere. His eyes wandered to a mirror across the room from himself. He looked at his reflection, realizing how tired and distraught he truly looked. His hair was a mess and it almost looked as if rings were beginning to form under his eyes. Kaneki sighed to himself; he felt and looked disgusting in his own eyes.

Hide’s sweatpants and boxers were a bit big on him, but it would suffice for the moment. His own clothes were still scattered amongst Hide’s own in his bedroom, but Kaneki resisted the urge to pick them up; he would rather somewhat alleviate his pain at the moment. Kaneki stuck his head out of the room, using the faint smell of brewing coffee as his guide. He recognized the smell of the beans; they were the same kind they used at his work. Maybe Hide went there often?

Hide turned around when Kaneki walked in, just opening the small container of painkillers. “How do you feel?”

“…Still awful.” Kaneki replied with a melancholy tone.

“Heh, I can see that you’re not a morning person… Normally I’m not either, but I guess you could say I’ve got a wilting flower to bloom up, hm?” Hide’s words were about as smooth as Kaneki’s constant stumbling on the floor before he got to the table.

“Are you still trying to flirt with me or something?” Kaneki spoke bluntly, supporting himself on the table. “I mean, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d be into boys anyways…”

Hide shrugged. “Maybe, but I’d be willing to experiment further. I mean, seeing as that my little trial with you had no errors-“

“OH MY GOD, SHUT UP.”

Hide couldn’t help but let himself burst out into laughter, almost dropping the container. Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Lighten up, Kaneki! I’m joking!”

“Hmph.”

Hide kept up his chuckling, opening the container finally and setting it on the table. “Once coffee’s done, take two with it. This stuff usually does the trick for me. How do you take your coffee?”

“Black.” Like his fucking anger.

“Really? I couldn’t ever do that. Shit’s too bitter for me. I need it sweet.” Hide heard the beep of the coffee maker, flipping it to ‘off’ and going to grab two mugs. He poured coffee into one, setting it aside, before filling the other and handing it to Kaneki. “Here.”

Kaneki nodded, taking the mug and sipping it. It stung his tongue, but he didn’t care about the pain. The coffee was definitely the same that he used at work, but because it was machine brewed it didn’t really taste as fresh. He shrugged it off, downing it with painkillers. It’s not like taste mattered to him at the moment; he just wanted his pain gone for good.


	4. Choices for Days

“…So let me see if I have this correct.” A sigh was heard over the phone. “You went to some damn bar that no one goes to, and you found some downer-ass drunk guy. You decided to open up your mouth, invite him home, fuck him up the ass, and wake up the next morning only to realize not only do I work with him, but that you’ve been going to school with him for YEARS?”

“Yeah, you’ve got it.” Hide chuckled sheepishly over the phone. “We chatted a bit over coffee, then I washed his crap and he left. I let him keep the clothes I lent out to him…”

“And you got his number.”

“…Yes.”

Another sigh.

“Nishiki, it’s not that bad, really.”

“I’m not saying it’s bad; I’m saying it’s weird.”

“How is it weird?”

“You’re a ladies man. I’ve only known you for so long but I know for a fact that you give the eyes to any girls that happen to look your way.”

“Hey, that’s not ALWAYS true. Gosh, have some more faith in me, man!”

“It’s hard to sometimes.”

“I mean, considering how you and Kimi got together…”

“That’s not important!” Nishiki tried to change the subject. “Look… just be careful.”

“What, you don’t think I can maintain a relationship?”

“It’s not really that. If you find some random college kid drowning himself in alcohol on a given night, he’s guaranteed to have some baggage.”

“Baggage, Schmaggage. I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle.” Hide grinned to himself. “I mean, he didn’t gush about anything too much.”

“Probably for good reason. He’s one of those guys that would rather give himself trouble than others.”

“That would explain why he was so apologetic…”

“He is. He’ll do anything to please people. It’s sort of annoying, honestly. Then again, I know he can’t help it.” Nishiki shrugged, letting out another sigh. “He’s an enigma. Our other co-worker knows more about him than I do.”

 

“’Stupid Touka’? The one you’re always yelling about?”

“That’s the one. She’s younger than both of us but she talks to him a lot more often. Or… maybe it’s more like confrontation…”

“Okay. Well at least I know you’re not a reliable source.”

“Look, idiot; if you really wanna know, you’d be better off asking the guy himself instead of snooping with other people.”

“I got his number, so I’m definitely going to be seeing him again. He struck my eye a little bit. And my ears.”

“I don’t need the gory details.”

“I won’t provide much, calm down. Even through all of the trials of you doing the same to me, and then me walking in on you on multiple occasions in OUR studio…”

“Oh please, that’s nothing.”

“Anyways.” Hide went on to get back on track. “Kaneki… there’s something special about him that keeps him in my head, you know?”

“So this one’s definitely a call-back?”

“Yup. He’s amazing for a typical curious boy.”

“I really hope your eyes aren’t only pinned on his body or something.”

“Not ONLY. Gosh, am I that shallow?”

“When you’re drunk; yes, you are.”

“Well, I’m sober now. I can recognize people for non-physical qualities. Give me some credit!”

“I’ll give you credit when you convince him to come back over. Somehow, I feel like that’s unlikely knowing him.”

“Nishiki, have you forgotten already how crafty I can be?”

“…No.” Nishiki grimaced. “Don’t remind me.”

“Then there’s nothing to fear, right?”

Yet another sigh escaped Nishiki. “You seem oddly determined about him.”

“About Kaneki?”

“Yeah. You’ve never been this hung up on any girl you’ve brought home for the night.”

“Well, I mean…”

“I gotta go, actually. If I feel up to it, we can discuss this later.”

“Hey, wait a second-!”

****

Kaneki groaned, sipping some water as he sat on the side of his bed. He got dressed in his clean clothes from the previous night before leaving Hide’s, and couldn’t help but change back into Hide’s clothes when Hide insisted that Kaneki keep them. They were comfy; comfier than any night shirt and whatever that Kaneki ever wore. Something about them drew Kaneki to wearing them and not wanting to take them off.

It was afternoon at this point, and he was still trying to heal his migraine. Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant he would have to stop into his job to work a small shift for that afternoon. It only closed on Mondays, and then was open every day except then. Kaneki mainly worked the evening shifts, but would come in for afternoons occasionally during the weekend or whenever he didn’t have afternoon classes. But for the day, he was allowed to laze around at home.

He glanced at his cell phone, which sat silently on his nightstand. The sound was on, but he acted as if he expected a phone call or a video call or some form of communication. He and Hide exchanged numbers before they parted, and he knew for a fact that Hide didn’t plan to leave their first meeting as their only.

“If I don’t get to tap that again at least once more, I just might start sobbing. You’re lucky; you’re my first call-back!”

Kaneki grimaced at his words as they repeated in his head. Hide did just sound like another dirty soul who just wanted in someone’s pants. It made Kaneki shiver of his past bad experiences with sexual partners, even if they were just women alone. Kaneki never pictured himself getting with another man or anything in between on the spectrum, whether romantically or sexually. It’s not that he was close-minded or didn’t want to; it just never crossed his mind because he only found himself attracted to women so far, and men hadn’t appealed to him in that way, nor did he find that men found him appealing in that way.

Then again, Tsukiyama is a whole other ballpark.

He took another glance at his phone. Maybe he should delete Hide’s number. Maybe he should be polite and call, explaining his own circumstances. No, both with be a bit impolite; he’d be better off just telling Hide in person. Phone calls weren’t very good conversation settings, as Kaneki knew from experience. Then again, Hide showed he was capable of being at least a little polite. He was nice enough to treat Kaneki during his time of being helplessly hungover. Maybe Kaneki would give him a chance as a friend, at least?

Kaneki sighed to himself, rolling over so he was turned away from his phone. He would wait until his head was spinning a bit slower.


	5. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see
> 
> im sorry i dont write enough please love me

It was nearing the boiling point of the next week. Kaneki’s thought-filled head had shown some mercy on him in the past few days, not making him brew over too much stuff this time. Speaking of brewing; at the moment, actually, he was at work. His classes for Friday were cancelled last second Thursday night, so Kaneki took the chance to call in and ask if he could go into work for an easy morning. Sure enough, he was able to cover for someone else, and that’s where he was at this point.

It was basically empty since it was the morning, and normally everyone was at work or school. Kaneki was preparing a few cups of coffee for the very few customers that made their way up there. Kaneki was only covering the morning, and then he was free to leave for the afternoon. He pondered what he would do with his time; bookstore? Homework? Take a nap, maybe? Grab a burger? He couldn’t decide and he didn’t let he decision dominate his thoughts just yet; he needed to focus on work for the time being.

The only one at work for the morning besides Kaneki was someone who went to school with him, but they both were in different departments. “Hey, Kaneki.”

“Hm?” Kaneki turned his head as he steadily poured water into the filter. “What is it, Nishiki?”

“Heard you got with a classmate of mine.”

Kaneki nearly dropped the kettle.

“Don’t get all flustered and feel the need to explain yourself, either.” Nishiki spat, wiping off some damp mugs before setting them aside. “He gave me most of the gory details.”

“Uck… I didn’t expect him to just flaunt them out so carelessly…” Kaneki relaxed, but grimaced.

“To be honest, Nagachika’s sex life is of no concern to me as long as he isn’t fucking up somewhere. But I guess that isn’t what the main point of interest is.”

“Eh?”

“It’s you.” Nishiki put another mug aside. “He’s been talking about you nonstop since he told me about what happened in the first place.”

“He has?”

“Yeah. And the fact that he asked you for your number but didn’t even bother to text you means it’s serious.”

Kaneki put the kettle down, letting the water seep through the filter to the grounds. “So, you mean that he…”

“Wants you again? Definitely. Likes you? …That’s questionable.” Nishiki shrugged. “I mean, he’s known for bouncing since he’s aware he can get just about any girl he wants. But seeing him with another guy is a new one. It might just be his curiosity flaring up again, but hell if I know.”

“Should I attempt to ask him out or something?”

“Depends. Do you want to just appease him, or do you have an interest?”

“Well…” Kaneki rubbed the back of his head. “He gave me his number, which I guess is a given. But he also let me keep his sweatpants and a shirt, so I always thought that sort of meant something, you know?”

Nishiki actually made eye contact with Kaneki, raising an eyebrow. “He hasn’t asked for anything back?”

Kaneki shook his head. “He told me to keep them, even though I insisted.”

“Hnnn…” Nishiki hummed, turning back around. “Maybe he does fancy you, then.”

Kaneki found himself blushing, then picked up the pitcher of the coffee pot to pour the coffee and mix it. “I wouldn’t make such rash assumptions…”

“You spent a night with Nagachika drunk off his ass. Me being rash every once in a while is the least of your problems.” Nishiki sighed, putting the last mug aside. “Look, if you want to know if he truly feels for you, the only way you can is to get him when he’s sober.”

“I’m not understanding.”

“He banged you when you were both drunk. I’m saying that if he’s not into it sober, then it’s bullshit. Then again, all of the drabble about you that constantly spews through his mouth lately erases some doubt.”

Kaneki placed the two mugs on the little serving plate, picking it up. “What should I do then?”

“Text him or something. Or I might just drop a hint because I’m feeling nice. And if you cover the second half of my shift so I can go meet the misses at her job.” Nishiki smirked a little bit. Of course.

“…Seriously?” Kaneki almost pouted a little bit. “It’s like you to pull such a dirty trick. You and Touka…” 

“I think it’s a fair trade, Kaneki. You COULD always just do it yourself…”

“No, no. I’ll... take your offer.”

****  
__

_Horseshit-Senpai: so thats basically what I told him_

_Horseshit-Senpai: this is all you right now_

__

 

Hide groaned, staring at his phone hesitantly before replying.

__

_Hide: you think he’ll be all for it?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i couldnt tell you for sure_

_Horseshit-Senpai: but he seems to be fond of you in the least_

_Horseshit-Senpai: its worth texting him since i sort of put in a good word for him in exchange for covering my shift_

_Hide: ,,,,,,_

_Hide: seriously?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: it’s a good deal_

_Horseshit-Senpai: go for it idiot_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i did you a favor_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i just have one condition for you_

_Hide: what is it?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: dont get him drunk on purpose_

_Horseshit-Senpai: im genuinely surprised you canoodled him the other day_

_Horseshit-Senpai: it may not seem like it but hes got a lot of baggage_

_Hide: ah_

_Hide: ill keep that in mind_

_Hide: im gonna text him now_

_Horseshit-Senpai: he should be out of work now so go for it_

__

Hide placed his phone down at his desk, glancing at the clock. It was early into the afternoon, so he could definitely get a hold of Kaneki if he wanted to. What were even the chances of Kaneki being busy anyways? He didn’t seem like much of a social butterfly, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Maybe it was the whole ‘don’t get him drunk on purpose’ thing that was bothering him and discouraging Hide from speaking up.

Even when he was drunk off his ass and into the conversation, Kaneki didn’t mention much aside from a bad previous relationship. He also didn’t mention much about his previous partner in particular, which only made Hide even more curious. Still, he would resist the temptation to ask for the moment; he didn’t want to fuck this up.

__

_Hide: kaneki!!_

_Hide: kaneki!!!!!!!_

_Kaneki: Hi Hide!_

_Kaneki: I’ve been meaning to text you sooner, but I was at work…_

_Hide: it’s okay man_

_Hide: i was wondering if you were free tonight actually_

_Hide: maybe you and i can like_

_Hide: you know_

_Hide: hang out somewhere tonight?_

_Hide: it is close to the weekend again_

_Kaneki: I guess I could I you really want to._

_Kaneki: I don’t have any plans or anything._

_Hide: great!!!_

_Hide: you remember where i live?_

_Kaneki: Yeah, you live down the street from me, actually._

_Kaneki: I didn’t expect you to live so close to me._

_Hide: nice coincidence, right?_

_Hide: how about you head down here in a few hours or so_

_Hide: i’ll be waiting for you_

_Hide: ;)_

__

Maybe that wink was just a cheesy mistake, at least in Hide’s mind.


	6. Cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra long chapter tbh  
> slay me

“Hey Kaneki. You didn’t have trouble getting here in the dark, did you?” Hide raised an eyebrow from his door, gladly letting the other in. “I almost got worried about you, you know.”

“No, I’m fine. I just strolled a little bit.” Kaneki gladly walked in, stumbling a little bit. He was a bit off.

“That’s fine, then.” Hide shut the door, giving Kaneki time to slip off his shoes. “You want coffee?”

“No, I’m fine.” Kaneki repeated. “ I drank some earlier, actually.” Kaneki stumbled again when he took off his other shoe, almost falling into the wall if it weren’t for Hide stopping him.

“…Are you okay?” Hide was concerned. He helped the other achieve balance again.

“I’m fine. Just a little clumsy, I guess.” Kaneki shrugged it off, but Hide kept his suspicion up. “What do you want to do-“ Kaneki stumbled again; this time smashing right into the floor.

“H-Hey!” Hide kneeled down beside him as Kaneki groaned a little. “Look, if you’re sick, you shouldn’t have come here…”

“Hushhh. I’m not sick.” Kaneki’s voice was still casual. Too casual. “Look, just let me get up, and we can do this. Unless you’re into floors.”

“…What’s ‘this’?” Hide was a bit confused. And also convinced that Kaneki was _probably_ intoxicated. But mostly confused. What was he going on about?

“Pfffft. Hide, I don’t want the confused, cliché act, okay?” Kaneki’s voice got a bit sincere, but the goofed tone was still visible. “We both know what you want.”

“Kaneki. You’re gonna have to elaborate.”

“You want _sex_. You think I’m _easy_. Like everyone else does.” Kaneki spoke pretty bluntly, nearly pushing Hide’s hands away. “You think I’m easy because I’m some drunk college guy with bad past relationships. ‘If I can convince him that I desire him, he’ll come straight to my bed!’.”

Jesus. Now Hide was really concerned about Kaneki. He couldn’t even comprehend why Kaneki would show up to his house hammered from what Hide could assume. Hide barely even knew this guy, yet he could feel the guilt and compassion build up in his stomach that made Hide want to at least help Kaneki amidst his babbling. “Do you still want to be here?”

“I think you can answer that question.” Kaneki got a bit snarky, now. “Do _you_ think it’s a good idea to leave me alone?”

Hide was in conflict on how to answer. “Well…”

“It’s doesn’t matter, really. I’m always alone. It doesn’t matter. I’ll leave.”

“What? No way; I’m not leaving you alone when you’re like this. Look… let’s just go, and I’ll get you some water or something…” Hide tugged on Kaneki a bit. “Let’s just get you to stand up…”

“H-Hide…” Kaneki struggled to get up with Hide’s assistance. “…I feel like I’m gonna puke…”

****  
_  
Hide: and that’s what happened_

_Horseshit-Senpai: he came to your house completely hammered_

_Horseshit-Senpai: yeah that sounds all too familiar_

_Hide: what do you mean?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: his last relationship seriously screwed him up_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i mean even before it kaneki had problems of his own_

_Horseshit-Senpai: but she only made them worse_

_Hide: she sounds like a bitch_

_Horseshit-Senpai: that couldn’t be more of an understatement honestly_

_Horseshit-Senpai: but it would be safer bet for kaneki to explain to you rather than me_

_Horseshit-Senpai: he gets really chatty when he’s drunk as fuck_

_Horseshit-Senpai: like the crying kind of chatty_

_Horseshit-Senpai: whatever you do just don’t leave him by himself_

_Horseshit-Senpai: if he insists leaving don’t let him_

_Hide: he’s a destructive kind of guy?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: sort of, it’s too much to explain_

_Horseshit-Senpai: text me in the morning_  
  
Hide shoved his phone into his jacket pocket, listening to the agonizing sounds from his bathroom as he stood by the door. Kaneki barely made it to the toilet, and completely let loose as soon as Hide let him go. Hide figured texting Nishiki would provide him some form of advice, which it did. Hide didn’t expect Kaneki to stay over the night in the sense of that Hide had to take care of him again. He was hoping for something a bit more fun, but Hide knew for a fact that Kaneki was in no shape or mood for it.

Hide peeked into the bathroom when the noises died down; only some infrequent, dry heaving could be heard. “You all right now, Kaneki…?”

“Ugh…” Kaneki coughed a bit into the toilet bowl before reaching up with his free hand to flush it. “I feel like a corpse…”

“I’ll get you some water, Kaneki. Just sit tight.”

When Hide walked off, Kaneki released a hoarse sigh and few more coughs. Kaneki must’ve looked absolutely disgraceful; drunkenly strolling down the street and showing up to Hide’s, only to basically insult the other and then puke afterwards. Kaneki didn’t keep track of how much he drank; and quite frankly he found it better not to remember.

He finally got his head away from the toilet bowl and sat back down on the floor, wiping his mouth with his wrist. His thoughts were still incredibly bubbly; he had the urge and audacity to say or yell something stupid, but he kept it bottled up. His head didn’t begin to hurt yet, but he felt dizzy from all of the vomiting he did. He couldn’t bring himself to even attempt to stand, so he kept himself on the floor.

Kaneki felt disgusting and ashamed. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what Hide thought of him now; just some typical, alcoholic college student with nothing left dear to him. All Kaneki had, he thought, been his looks and his brains. His brains only got him so far, and his body attracted nothing but troublesome people thus far. Though, he wouldn’t consider Hide troublesome in the slightest; the fact that Hide was taking care of him, _again_ , without any complaint, was amazing to Kaneki. Even his own friends would get tired of his shit sometimes, but Hide was tolerant of him. Despite that, Kaneki still felt terrible about it.

“Kaneki?” Hide popped his head back into the door, holding a glass of water and some aspirin in his hands. “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up again?”

Kaneki thought for a moment, and then shook his head. His stomach wasn’t churning as much now. “I-I… feel a little better now…” His voice was a little sore though.

“Great. I got you some goodies.” Hide entered the bathroom, kneeling beside the other and handing him the glass and the aspirin. “This is just… I guess a precaution for the head ache you’ll probably get later. Sip the water slowly for now; I wouldn’t wanna trigger another episode.”

“Thank you…” Kaneki spoke quietly, popping the pills into his mouth and swallowing them with the water. After that, he sipped it steadily; he was thirsty as all hell after all of that vomiting.

“Hey, Kaneki…” Hide spoke up. “Are you… troubled?”

“Troubled? What gave it away; the alcohol?”

Hide snorted; Kaneki was a snarky drunk. “I guess you could say that, but… I dunno, you just seem really negative to me. Kinda distant, in a way. Is everything all right?”

“I t-think… you can answer that question for yourself.” Kaneki sipped the water again. “Nothing is ever okay in my case. At least not recently. But I’ve learned that forgetting things is harder than it sounds.”

“You’re… trying to forget?”

Kaneki nodded. “It’s not worth it to me anymore to try and remember things that caused me pain… don’t you agree?”

“I mean, yeah; I do agree. But turning to alcohol as a source of comfort…”

“It’s the only thing I can turn to.” Kaneki shrugged indifferently. “That’s what I was taught.”

“Surely your parents wouldn’t tell you to do something like that-”

“They’re dead.”

Hide’s eyes widened, his body tensing while he sat on his spot on the floor. He could feel his chest tighten up a bit in sadness; Nishiki wasn’t joking about the baggage. “…I’m sorry.”

Kaneki shrugged again. “My father… he died before I was born. Or he died when I was too young to remember. I don’t know anymore. My mother died from overworking herself for my selfish bitch of an aunt.” Kaneki was basically spitting acid at this point. "She would ask for money constantly, and my mother was kind enough to give it because she would feel bad. S-She almost never slept, and then…” He paused for a moment. “T-Then she just…”

“K-Kaneki… stop.” Hide grabbed Kaneki’s shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. “You don’t have to tell me anymore…”

“And then that same aunt took me into her care. It was fine at first until she basically treated me like I didn’t exist. After that, I worked my way through school, got into college, and got myself an apartment with a tiny job. I mean, I get benefits because of my parents, but almost nothing fills the void anymore, Hide. N-Nothing. But it gets _worse_.”

Hide sighed quietly, deciding to just let the other talk. There was no point in trying to stop Kaneki now that he was so absorbed. “What else?” He gave Kaneki’s shoulder another squeeze.

“I had… a couple of girlfriends in the past. Most of them just used me as an accessory to make themselves look good, a toy, something that would give into their wishes and sexual desires so easily… and then my latest ex…”

“Yeah?”

“I thought she would be different. I thought she was beautiful, and kind, and smart… We loved the same books, and we drank the same kind of coffee. She was my source of comfort for so, so long… I almost considered asking her to move in with me. But, almost a year later, things got… bad.”

Hide raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“I-I… I entered my second year of college, like I planned. She took cyber classes from home because she really… w-wasn’t much of people person. I accepted that, but she started getting oddly paranoid about a lot of things. Her comments of affection and her compliments became so sickingly condescending…” Pause. “She turned into a witch. She kept demanding me for things she didn’t normally ask for. And… our sex life was the worst of it…”

Hide became a bit put off by that last sentence, especially when Kaneki started quaking. “K-Kaneki…?”

“She started demanding it constantly; even if I didn’t want it. She also kept saying such gross things… ‘I’m gonna rearrange your organs, Kaneki-kun’, ‘You taste delicious’, ‘If I cut you, let me lick up the blood next time!’. It w-was… so gross.” Kaneki shivered. “Especially when she would just force things on me. And then when I denied, she would do it anyways.” Kaneki unbuttoned the shirt he was wearing, uncovering his shoulder.

Hide squinted a little bit. “…Are those bite marks?”

“Old ones. The scars are finally starting to fade. I’m surprised you didn’t notice them earlier…”

“Ahh…”

“The ones you left wouldn’t last long, anyways.” Kaneki snapped, unbuttoning his shirt further. The scars on his stomach were out in the open, with Hide eyeing them curiously.

“Are these from her, too?”

Kaneki nodded. “She’d cut me purposely if she was topping. She said she enjoyed my taste and the smell of my blood… i-it was basically torture. She only wanted me for my body. Finally, though… I snapped one day. I left her a note at her apartment, grabbed anything I kept over there, and left. I left her my spare key for her place, and then took the one she had for mine. Deleted and blocked h-her off of everything…” Kaneki began to sniffle a bit. “It’s been a few months now…”

“…Is that everything, Kaneki?” Hide asked gently. He knew Kaneki was in a mess of emotional pain at the moment; he almost just wanted Kaneki to stop talking so he could stop hurting himself. Hide was on the verge of tears himself. In his mind, if anyone should be crying, it should be Kaneki.

Kaneki nodded slowly, his hands leaving the hem of his shirt and going to his own face. His breathing pitched a little bit, and he grit his teeth to try and hold back his tears. “H-Hide… I’m sorry…”

“Huh?” Hide was a little confused. “For what?”

“F-For… For this!” Kaneki began to raise his voice again. “I-I just intrude in on your life, I come to your house h-hah-hammered just because I’m salty over an ex… I-I’m so fucking disgusted at myself right now! I basically s-spah-spilled my _life_ to you and barely even _k-know_ you! Y-You probably just want me for my looks or my brains, like every else did! And then you’ll just throw me away, it’ll happen again, I-I know it, Hide…” Kaneki was quaking violently. “D-Damn it…”

“K-Kaneki, I don’t think that at all.” Hide gave another squeeze, trying to speak calmly and resisting his own tears. “Like you said, you don’t even know me, right? It’s not like you could predict what I’m thinking. I mean, that’d be cool and all…”

Kaneki hiccupped through his tears. “I-I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologizing, giggly boy.” Hide scooted a little closer, finally embracing the other. “Just hush for a b-bit… Here, can you get up with me?”

Kaneki nodded slowly. With some effort and dizziness, the two managed to stand up together. Hide wrapped his arm back around the other, slowly guiding him out of the bathroom, turning off the light on the way out. “W-Where are we going…?”

“Let’s go take a nap, Kaneki.” Hide spoke softly, his arm squeezing the other as they walked to the bedroom. “Nothing funny, I promise.”

The two got to the bedroom, and the familiar scent hit Kaneki’s sniffling nose gently. He turned his head towards Hide, and finally noticed that he was crying too. At the same time, though, Hide still had that smile on his face. Now that Kaneki thought about it, he couldn’t really remember that smile leaving his face. Hide hands went down to Kaneki’s shirt, buttoning the buttons back up slowly; that smile still never leaving his face. Even when Hide dragged Kaneki to the bed, gently laying him down and then lying beside him; he still smiled.

Even when Hide wrapped his arms around the shaking, shivering, crying and drunken mess, he still didn’t stop smiling. Kaneki finally closed his eyes; his head was spinning and his face was wet from tears and blushed. He decided to sleep for the time; to try and cherish Hide’s arms squeezing the warmth into him.


	7. Remedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kaneki’s eyes opened slightly at the sunlight peeking into the room. He could feel Hide squeezing him through his own slumber, breathing slowly and calmly. Kaneki’s head only throbbed a little bit, which was probably a good thing for now. He had some fuzzy memories about the previous night, but his heartfelt conversation with Hide was surprisingly vivid in his head. He remembered most of the rambling and crying he did. But the one thing that didn’t leave his mind was the way that Hide listened to him willingly. It was an odd feeling.

“…Hhh… K-K….”

Kaneki almost jumped up from the noise, but then realized it was from Hide. Huh. He never realized that Hide was a sleep talker. Hide did wake up before he did the last time they shared a bed, so this was a newfound discovery. Kaneki actually found it kind of cute. His ‘little sister’, at least that’s how he referred to her, would always say that Kaneki talked in his sleep sometimes. Of course, Kaneki denied this claim. Repeatedly.

“..K-Kah… Kaneki…”

Why was Hide saying his name in his sleep? Kaneki raised an eyebrow, gently fidgeting so he could turn around in the bed. He didn’t wake the other, luckily, and now they were facing each other. Hide’s expression was smiley and content; his lips would press a little, and his smile would grow wider. Kaneki swore he could see blush on his face.

“…Hide?” Kaneki spoke quietly. 

“Mmmn… Kaneki….” Hide yawned after he spoke, getting a bit snugger with the other.

“What is it?”

“…Hmmmph.” Hide spoke in noises. “D-Don’t…”

“Don’t?”

Hide’s eyes opened a little bit, his smile widening a bit more. “Don’t leave yet, okay?”

“Don’t… leave? I didn’t have any plans to…” Kaneki reassured the other. “Were you having a bad dream?”

Hide shrugged a little. “You could say that, but let’s not dwell on it. Did you sleep well?”

“Hm? I did, actually.” Kaneki answered. “I… remember most of last night, actually.”

“Yeah… Don’t apologize, okay?” Hide squeezed Kaneki a little. “You needed the time to talk.”

“I just feel bad about spitting all of that out at you, Hide… You have to bear the burden of my problems like everyone else does.”

“Kaneki…”

“What-?”

Hide interrupted Kaneki before he could muster out a full response. He pressed a kiss onto Kaneki to try and stop the negativity. It caught Kaneki by surprise, but before he could try to kiss him back, Hide already pulled away.

“…Just shut up for a bit.”

Hide’s lips moved to Kaneki’s neck, giving those light, butterfly kisses to his skin. Kaneki didn’t resist; he let the other do what he wanted. Hide found himself unbuttoning Kaneki’s shirt again before he knew it, and promptly pulling it off. He eyed the scars on Kaneki’s shoulders before moving to kiss over those as well. Kaneki blinked at him, twitching from where he was kissing, but also still didn’t feel a need to stop him, either.

“H-Hide… what are you doing?” Kaneki asked.

Hide looked back up to make eye contact. “I want you to forget for a little while. Remember me, instead.”

****

“A-Ahhh…. Mmnnn, H-Hide…..” Kaneki’s eyes were tightly closed, and he was on his back.

Hide tried to smile down at him, his fingers still moving pretty slowly. “Ehehe… I guess it hurts a bit more when you’re sober, doesn’t it?” Hide lowered his head just enough to kiss Kaneki’s forehead. “Just a little longer, I added more lube…”

Kaneki still couldn’t figure out how he consented to doing this again in the first place. Maybe Hide was just that convincing, or perhaps it was the words he spoke before he finally trapped Kaneki into a seemingly endless kiss. Kaneki twitched every time Hide kissed his scars, or every time he said something so genuinely smooth and comforting. Even through Hide’s dirty mouth, he was capable of showing compassion.

Hide wasn’t wrong about his statement, though. Something about being sober while doing something so tolling almost felt better. Sure, the alcohol probably muffled up the majority of pain that Kaneki felt at the moment, but it would pay off later. Hide knew the reason why it was taking so long to prep was because Kaneki was tense; especially from last night. He tried his best to be as gentle and patient as possible with Kaneki, trying to hurt him as little as he could.

Kaneki tried to open his eyes a little bit. He could feel the beads of tears fall down his cheeks, which caused Hide’s smile to falter a little bit. “I-It hurts…”

“I know, I know.” Hide kissed his forehead again, letting it linger a bit before pulling his head away. “You need to relax, Kaneki… everything’s going to be fine.”

Kaneki turned his head when Hide tried to push his fingers in deeper. Hide was still failing in his attempts to prepare, and that worried him, He finally gave up, slowly pulling his fingers out to give the other some relief. He hovered on top of Kaneki now, cupping his face and turning his head so Kaneki was facing him. “C’mere, Kaneki.”

Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide, meeting him for another kiss. It was slow and warm; the lingering pain was becoming a bit less of a distraction for Kaneki now. He couldn’t fathom why he was feeling so doubtful and tense toward Hide; he was being as gentle as he possibly could. Kaneki pulled away to breathe a little, shoving himself right back into the kiss. He could feel his muscles loosen up a little as well, and he sighed through his nose.

Hide giggled a little into the kiss, letting his other hand run through Kaneki’s hair. Not too long after, he finally managed to pull himself a way; a thin line of saliva being the other thing that kept their lips connected. “Kaneki?”

“Mm? What is it?”

“Do you want to be here with me?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“I dunno…” Hide gave a slight shrug. “You just seem so tense around me right now. I just wanted to know if you were uncomfortable with… well… this.”  
“Well…“

“I know it hasn’t been a long time since we’ve known each other, but… I feel like you’re special. No, you _are_ special. I can’t… quite put my finger on it, but you catch my eye, Kaneki.” He smiled a bit wider. “I almost crave you…”

“Crave…”

“Sorry, that was the wrong word.” Hide corrected himself. “But…”

“No, it’s okay.” Kaneki reassured. “I know… what you meant. Do you want to try again, or…?”

“Eheh. I’d like to if it’s cool with you.”

Kaneki nodded. “Sure.”

Hide chuckled a little, leaning down to start another kiss with the other. A bit into it, he began to grind down on the other’s hips, earning some soft moans in return. Kaneki’s tongue and his overall movements were a lot looser, and maybe even more welcoming. Hide tried to sustain the kiss for as long as he could until he could pull away. Once he did, he got back off of Kaneki, grabbing the bottle of lube he discarded earlier and recoating his fingers from earlier. When he got Kaneki’s nod, he began with a single finger.

It still hurt Kaneki, but he took notice that it wasn’t as bad as it was earlier. He managed to keep his eyes open and watching Hide’s, which Kaneki could swear that they were shining. Hide added a second finger when he felt less resistance, and soon a third followed it. Kaneki felt a bit twitchy; he knew what Hide was putting so much effort into looking for. Kaneki’s borderline silent whining became a bit less strained and softer moans replaced it. It was subtle and slow-paced, but progress was being made.

“Kaneki… Your noises are starting to get sort of cute.” Hide teased him, pushing his fingers in a bit further. “Do you think you’ll be ready soon?”

“M-Mmnn… I think I’m f-fine now, actually…” Kaneki’s voice was a bit tolled. 

“Are you sue?”

“Y-Yes…”

Hide nodded, slowly pulling his fingers out and grabbing the lube again, and also nabbing a condom from his nightstand. Since he was still undressed from earlier, he could easily put on the condom and add some extra lube for the other’s sake; better safe than sorry. Once that was done, he loomed over the other with a little bit of a naughty smirk. Kaneki sensed the sinister intent from the other and gulped a bit nervously.

Hide wasted no time in gently pushing into the other, earning something mixed between a squeak and moan. Hide stayed put for a minute, letting the other adjust to him before Hide started moving his hips slowly to start. It was bringing back murky memories of that past, drunken night; only this occasion seemed to be a bit more passionate for the two of them. Plus, it _was_ morning, which meant Kaneki would be a bit less of a morning grouch after some butt-lovin’.

Hide’s smile never faded; it only widened with the increase of Kaneki’s comfort, along with the sun that kept shining into the room. It gave him a better view of Kaneki’s face, which was definitely something nice for him to watch. The blush spreading on Kaneki’s face only made him that much more adorable. Hide wasn’t lying when he said he found something in Kaneki that interested him; though, he still couldn’t determine what that something was.

“H-Hide…” Kaneki’s voice became a bit louder as Hide began to move faster. Hide couldn’t hide his smirk.

“Yes, Kaneki?” Hide asked him casually; he almost sounded as if he were teasing the other. “Do you want me to go faster?”

“A-Ah… p-please..?”

The weakness in Kaneki’s usually uptight tone of voice was too much for Hide to resist. He promptly began to move faster, his hands on Kaneki’s hips tightening for his own balance. He felt Kaneki occasionally tighten up, but it wasn’t out of pain. Kaneki felt like he was already close to the edge; something about Hide made his body react so… abnormally. No one he was ever with made him feel like that, and it was unfamiliar to him. But that didn’t mean Kaneki wasn’t okay with it.

“K-Kaneki… you’re so perfect…” Hide leaned down to place a kiss on the other’s lips. He felt his heart skip a beat when he kissed Kaneki, and it wasn’t from him losing his breath. He felt a tingling in his hips, and it wasn’t from moving too much.

Kaneki turned his head away a little bit, sort of embarrassed. Hide’s words were making him become increasingly flustered, yet he almost shared some of them; Kaneki’s heart was skipping beats all over the place as Hide touched him. He kept wanted Hide more and more with each movement. His heart almost stopped when Hide took his face in his hand, gently turning Kaneki’s head to face him.

“K-Keep looking at me… o-oh god…” Hide’s speech was becoming a bit tolled as well, especially when he would speed up. “K-Kaneki, keep looking at me… just l-like that…”

Kaneki couldn’t refuse; Hide’s hand wouldn’t leave his face. Hide wasn’t looking at Kaneki because he thought it was hot (even though it wouldn’t be a lie that it was part of the reason), but rather he just wanted to take in the other. Every quirk, every expression, every patch of blush; Hide wanted his eyes to sink in it. He wanted a memory of this. Every time Kaneki opened up his mouth to let out another delicious noise, Hide had to restrain himself from diving straight in and handling those vibrations on his tongue. He felt like he would explode by how much Kaneki consumed his attention.

Hide finally couldn’t take it anymore; his orgasm hit him before he could realize. He finally pushed a kiss onto Kaneki by surprise, passing on his own noises through his mouth and… it almost sounded like he was _whining_ in Kaneki’s mouth as if he didn’t want it to end yet. Hide would occasionally pull away to catch a breath, but would continue almost right away. He didn’t feel Kaneki clench around him; only his own provided warmth. He couldn’t stay inside, otherwise it would get uncomfortable. He gave himself another minute before pulling out, hearing the displeased whining of the other. Hide’s thoughts were boiling with pride; he decided to take the chance to be a tease.

“H-Hmm?” Hide asked, pulled out of the other but still looming over Kaneki a bit menacingly. “Do you still want more?”

Kaneki nodded, almost desperately. Hide complied, getting off him and letting his lips just brush the tip of Kaneki’s cock in the new position he put himself in. He licked the pre-cum off the tip to start, soon letting himself suck lightly on the tip to take in the taste. Once he finally decided to sink his mouth down on the other’s shaft, Kaneki’s noises were almost music to his ears. In comparison, Hide would call it an encore of earlier.

He would bob his head, he would hum, and he would let Kaneki thrust his hips into his mouth; anything for Hide to do so Kaneki would finish as well. He felt a need to satisfy the other now; he couldn’t put his finger on why, though. It was all still a mystery to him, especially being one who didn’t usually have any sort of attachment in his previous sexual relationships. Hide found himself also letting out a moan when the warm fluid finally hit the back of his throat, and his ears were just filled to the brim with Kaneki’s sounds of desire.

When he was sure Kaneki was done, and all was swallowed for himself, Hide pulled away, letting his lips exit with a ‘pop’ to embarrass the other once again. Kaneki looked reddened and out of breath; the perfect view for Hide to enjoy, letting his eyes eat up every feature of Kaneki’s face. He leaned forward to kiss the other’s nose, chuckling a little bit in good humor.

“Ha. Sex is better when you’re sober, huh?” Hide joked, pulling the other one up by his shoulders as he was still trying to catch his breath. “You all right?”

“M-Mmm… Yes, I’m okay.” Kaneki answered between breaths. “D-Did you enjoy acting like a tease again?”

“You noticed? Of course I did. Always.” Hide grinned. “Now, if you’re tired again, we can always nap for a b-”

A buzzing was heard on the floor. Hide raised an eyebrow, looking at the scattered clothing on the floor.

“That might be my phone…” Kaneki admitted. “Can you grab it for me? It’s in the pocket of my jeans.”

Hide nodded, leaning off the bed and swiping Kaneki’s pants from the floor, checking his pockets until he found Kaneki’s phone. Kaneki unlocked it, and realized he had a missed call and a text or two.

_Touka-chan: hey numb nuts_

_Touka-chan: don’t you have work today_

__


	8. Walk-In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SLIDES IN  
> sorry for the wait, friends  
> like i said yesterday it's been school/work and my eye that's be sort of holding me back  
> BUT I'M HEALING AND I'M MOSTLY FINE  
> made this chapter longer (or tried to) to hopefully fill the gap
> 
> please enjoy

_Horseshit-Senpai: so that happened huh_

_Hide: yeah_

_Hide: he told me everything_

_Hide: i feel awful for him_

_Hide: hes got some serious willpower to be able to keep going like this_

_Horseshit-Senpai: the fact that hes self-destructive is shown so vaguely_

_Horseshit-Senpai: but once you get to know him you begin to pick up his quirks_

_Hide: yeah i noticed_

_Hide: like he did a lot of weird handsy stuff during sex_

_Horseshit-Senpai: okay tmi_

_Hide: no im being legit_

_Hide: like he would always hide his face_

_Hide: he couldnt really make eye contact either even when we were kissing_

_Hide: he just seemed really distant through it all_

_Horseshit-Senpai: thats just kaneki being kaneki_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i think youre looking too much into this_

_Hide: im not dude_

_Hide: theres a sort of consistent pattern with his behavior I’ve been picking up on_

_Horseshit-Senpai: dude_

_Horseshit-Senpai: youve known him for like a week_

_Horseshit-Senpai: ive known him for years_

_Horseshit-Senpai: im telling you that its just typical behavior_

****

“You’re late, Kaneki.”

“I know, I know…” Kaneki rubbed the back of his head as he went behind the counter with the other. “I’m sorry, Touka.”

“Consider yourself lucky that we aren’t too busy yet.” Touka was drying a mug at the moment. “I won’t tell anyone you came late. This time.”

“Thank you, I’m sorry.” Kaneki repeated.

“Why were you late anyways?”

“I… overslept.”

Touka raised an eyebrow. “That’s not like you. Why are you walking funny?”

“…I slept weird.”

“Is that why you overslept?”

“Sure.” Kaneki answered quickly, trying to change the subject. “I’m making coffee for myself to start out.”

“Make me some too, then. I haven’t gotten the chance to yet.”

“Really?” 

“I got here early today, but there were people outside I had to tend to. They didn’t leave too long ago, so I’m just cleaning up. We’re both also apparently the only ones working today.”

“Interesting… then again, it probably won’t be too busy today, either.”

Touka shrugged, putting the mug down. “I guess not.”

“Yeah…” Kaneki began to ground the beans. “How is Yoriko?”

“She’s still sick, sadly.” Touka sighed, leaning against the counter. “She hasn’t come to school in a few days; she just has a really nasty fever.”

“That’s sad. I hope she gets better.” Kaneki frowned. “You’re taking notes for her, right?”

“To the best of my abilities, yes.” Touka grimaced. “You know I’m not a school oriented person.”

“Taking notes isn’t _that_ hard. I wish I spent as much time doing notes as you do.” Kaneki chuckled.

“Hush. I’m not a start student like you, nerd.” Touka pouted.

“You’re trying your hardest, and I like that.”

“It’s helping that Nishiki has been at least _attempting_ to tutor me…”

“That’s good.” Kaneki put the grounds into the coffee maker. “At this rate, you’ll do fine. You have a few years until you graduate.”

“Those years are gonna go by quickly though.”

“Then it’s okay to be scared about it. I was, too.” Kaneki picked up the pitcher and went to fill it with water. “I promise it gets easier.”

“I’ll take your word for it, then.” Touka nodded, smiling a little. “Also, don’t use too much water this time.”

Kaneki sighed. That appreciation didn’t last long. “Hey, I’ve only been working here for a few months.”

“You should know better by now, then. Nishiki’s only been here for a few weeks and he knows what he’s doing.”

“Hush. Both of you are always picking on me for something.” Kaneki pouted a little bit, switching on the heater in the pitcher as soon it was filled. He turned off the sink and brought the pitcher to the counter and let it sit. “It seems like I can never get a break from you guys anymore.”

Touka shrugged. “You’re easy to pick on, and it’s the only thing me and Nishiki can actually agree with.”

“I’m always seen as the underdog to you guys…”

“We’re only joking. You take a lot of things seriously.”

“Do not.” Kaneki’s eyes moved to the pitcher. He picked it up by the handle once he saw the water was properly heated, and began to pout it slowly down onto the grounds.

“Pour it slower.” Touka criticized him. Constantly.

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. It’s your coffee.”

“Aren’t you drinking any?”

“Depends on how it comes out.”

“For the love of…”

“You’re way too easy to mess with.”

Kaneki groaned, setting the pitcher aside. He grabbed two cups that had bneen sitting on the counter and put them beside himself. Then he picked up the pitcher from the coffee maker, which was filled with steaming, black coffee. Oddly enough, both Touka and Kaneki took their coffee black. When Touka was either feeling snarky or on her menstrual, she’d sweeten it lie no other; to the point where it was a little bit unhealthy.

He picked up both cups, handing one to Touka and sipping the other one for himself. “Hmm… not bad.”

Touka took the cup, also taking a taste. “…Better than your last one. Let’s sit since the place is empty for now.”

The two walked out from behind the counter and to one of the booths in the front of the room. They picked a window seat, and then sat themselves down. On the way there, Touka nabbed a box of what looked to be pastries of some sort from the ‘borderline stale pile’. They had to get rid of them _somehow_.

“So, Kaneki.” Touka grabbed a pastry for herself from the box. “How’s Hideyoshi?”

Kaneki nearly dropped his cup. His face turned to that of horror. That question threw him off completely. “H-How did you…?”

“Kimi. She heard from Nishiki. I know everything.” She nibbled the pastry a little. “I never knew you could be so indiscreet…”

“M-My sex life is none of your business… you’re too young for that kind of stuff yet…”

“I’ll be turning seventeen soon, you know.” Touka shrugged indifferently. “Not to mention that I hang around with _Nishiki_ quite a bit. He’s worse than you.”

“ _Anyways_ ,” Kaneki tried to steer away from _that_ conversation. “How… What do you think about it?”

“I’ve seen Hideyo… Hide, around here a couple of times. He likes coming here because Nishiki works here. But I wouldn’t doubt that he’s coming more often now.”

“Great…”

“Do you not like him?”

“It’s not that. He’s just... really energetic and bouncy. Also really embarrassing when he wants to be.”

“Sounds like him. He’s a good person, though.”

“He is. I’m not doubting that.”

“In more than one way…”

“ _Touka_.”

“I’m joking. Calm down.” Touka rolled her eyes, taking a bit out of the pastry and a sip from her coffee.

“You seem oddly interested in what goes on behind the scenes. What did Nishiki tell you, exactly?”

“It’s not what he told _me_ ; it’s what I told _someone else_.”

“Told someone else…” Kaneki thought for a moment, this time gulping his coffee. A few minutes of silence passed after he swallowed, then he nearly choked. “T-Touka… you _didn’t_ …”

Touka couldn’t help but smirk a little. “Payback.”

“I-I can’t trust you with anything anymore!” Kaneki’s face was about as red as a tomato. “Ugh… sneaky high school girls…”

Touka snickered, satisfied with herself. “At least he knows what you like know. I was only trying to be helpful.”

“I-I’d expect this sort of thing from Nishiki, or even _Tsukiyama_ , but…”

“Just be glad _he_ doesn’t know yet.”

“Let’s keep it that way.”

“Hinami knows from me, though. I mean, not the gory details. She’s already adapting to calling Hide ‘big brother’ or sometimes ‘daddy’.”

“I mean… as cute as that is… I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?”

“If this… is going to be a long-term thing.”

“I think it should be. From what I can tell, he’s good for you. He can handle your alcoholism and your depression better than _she_ could, or would even bother to.”

“I guess…”

“Stop being so stubborn about it. You wanted a good person to come along and here he is. Why don’t you just _accept_ him?” Touka began to get a bit agitated. “Or is it because he’s a guy?”

“It has _nothing_ to do with gender or sex. I have no preference in those terms.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Well, it’s just-”

“EYO!!”

The instant a smack was heard on the glass window, a face pressed into it presenting a goofy expression, Kaneki flew directly out of his seat in shock. He went headfirst into the floor, sliding a bit of a distance away. The coffee didn’t spill and the pastries luckily remained untouched. Touka lost her composure and started giggling, whereas the certain ball of energy collapsed outside and was currently dying of laughter until he managed to stand up and come inside.

“O-Oh my _god_ Kaneki! You should’ve seen your face!” Hide was still cursed with the giggles as he walked in, soon dropping to his knees from the laughter. “Holy _shit_ that was great!”

“S-Shut up, both of you! It’s not funny!” Kaneki’s face was even redder now, and his voice cracked a little from being angry. “Come on, stop it!”

“T-That was great.” Touka was trying to cure her own joy. “It was definitely the change in atmosphere that we needed.”

“Wasn’t it?” Hide grinned, walking over and extending his hand for Kaneki on the floor. “Come on up, babe. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t call me ‘babe’.” Kaneki smacked Hide’s hand, getting up by himself. Well, _someone_ was grumpy because his wuss ass got fucking _punked_.

“What? You let me call you babe yesterday, _and_ last week! What gives?”

“Not anymore.”

“Oh c’mon.” Hide pouted. “You’re just being a grumpy sue because a spooked you.”

“Am not.” Kaneki turned away, pouting.

“Are to.”

"Nope."

“ _Babe_ , come on!”

“Stop calling me babe.”

“ _Bae_.”

Kaneki groaned. “Oh my god, Hide.”

“ _Honey_.”

“Quit it with the names already!”

“Not until you look at me again, you big cute dork.” Hide flashed a little smirk, then looked at Touka. “Is he gonna crack yet?”

Touka shrugged. “Probably.”

“You’re both in cahoots now?” Kaneki turned around to Hide, finally. “This is torture…”

“You’ll be _fine_. I promise I won’t be too brutal with you, Kaneki. C’mere.” Hide pulled Kaneki toward him, wrapping the other in a hug. Despite the other’s disgruntled noises, Hide only squeezed him tighter. He wasn’t going to let go until Kaneki got himself out on his own.

Kaneki sighed; the rest of the day was going to get weird, _fast_.


	9. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gentle crying  
> exTREMELY short chapter i know  
> i understand all of your agony  
> this is more of a filler of sorts i guess????idfk  
> more stuff will happen next chapter i promise
> 
> the basic timeline will be this
> 
> possible smut ==> and then the bad stuff happens
> 
> if you guys have been paying attention and know my writing well enough, you should be able to guess WHO will come in and WHAT will happen  
> huehue
> 
> but yeah, thank you for reading so far  
> i appreciate you guys a lot  
> i love you <3uwu
> 
> ALSO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU WRITE TSUKIYAMA?????????i tried oh well

Kaneki sighed, polishing off another cup before setting it aside. Hide watched him intently, sipping his own over-sweetened coffee as he watched the other work. He would occasionally smile sweetly in Kaneki’s direction to make him blush (which worked) or to make him fumble in his work (which _also_ worked). Kaneki’s patience was surprisingly high today.

“Kaneki.” Hide spoke up, sipping his coffee again. “So, is Touka your ex? Or one of them?”

“God no. She’s sixteen, Hide.” Kaneki shook his head. “Besides, we’re just friends.”

“That’s not too bad of an age gap. I’ve seen worse.”

“We don’t need to bring that sort of stuff up…”

“You’re right. We don’t. Let’s talk about us, huh? How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Kaneki blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Well… aren’t we… you know….” Hide fidgeted in his seat. “…A thing, now?”

“…Well…” Kaneki thought for a moment. “I mean, I _guess_ we are…”

“I don’t wanna start slapping labels until we’re sure.” Hide reached his hand out to Kaneki, letting his fingers run down Kaneki’s arm. “I wouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“How do you feel, then?”

“Personally, I like you a lot. I mean, I’ve never gotten with a guy before, but I think it’s something I can get used to.” Hide smiled again. “You’re great. I mean, you have some dinks and dents here and there, but no one’s perfect. You’re also into some of the same things I’m into, so…”

“D-Don’t bring that up…” Kaneki’s face reddened. “I didn’t intend on you knowing those things…”

“But now I do. So it’s fine. That means I can satisfy you, right?” Hide kept stroking the other’s arm. “But sexual satisfaction shouldn’t be the base of a relationship, right?”

“Of course not. The relationship would crumble…”

“Exactly. So I wanna know even more about you so that doesn’t happen, okay?”

“Uh, all right…”

“How about we hang out after work, huh? Wanna go to my place, or yours?”

Kaneki gulped. His own residence was still a sorry mess from his _last_ breakdown. He would rather keep that under wraps, at least for now. “Your place. Mine is a catastrophe right now.”

“All right. I’m good with that.” Hide grinned. “After work, we’ll go spend some time together.”

****

_Fucktissimo: So, mon ami has found someone else?_

_Fucktissimo: I can’t say I’m not surprised, honestly._

_Fucktissimo: He doesn’t seem like the type to really… find such an attachment after such a nasty loss._

_Nishiki: i was sort of shocked myself_

_Nishiki: but i think its good for him right now_

_Nishiki: im only telling YOU so youre aware of it, not so you can fuck it up_

_Fucktissmo: Calmato! Have some more faith in me!_

_Fucktissimo: I never included myself in his LAST rendez-vous._

_Fucktissimo: Why would I do so now?_

_Nishiki: im just being cautious_

_Nishiki: you know why i am, tsukiyama_

_Fucktissimo: It’s not like you to look out for someone so heavily, boy._

_Fucktissimo: Even with your current interest, at that._

_Nishiki: because rize was bad news, okay?_

_Nishiki: three suicide attempts and several drowned cases afterwards, im sure you would be frazzled too_

_Nishiki: kimi is the most of my worries no matter what, but kaneki is a close second_

_Nishiki: got it?_

_Fucktissimo: Oui, I understand._

_Fucktissimo: I just feel that you shouldn’t labor yourself with someone as heavy as him…_

_Nishiki: not like you would do a better job anyways_

_Nishiki: just let me and touka handle it_

_Nishiki: and whatever you do_

_Nishiki: do NOT tell uta or yomo about it_


	10. A Storm Brews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when i used to write
> 
> also someone sent me anon hate for my fics does this scrub wanna fucking fight

Hide nodded intently as Kaneki spoke, gripping the cup of his drink and only sipping it occasionally. He was shocked that Kaneki was… much more talkative than he was before. Maybe Kaneki was finally starting to open up to him just a little bit more. It was also nice to know that not everything in Kaneki’s life was _bad_ ; Kaneki shared fond memories of childhood and his friends and his mother… Hide found himself smiling, but it was a sort of sad smile. He still felt bad.

Kaneki and Hide got themselves to a different cafe some distance away from Anteiku. Hide wanted to bring Kaneki somewhere far out; just enough so that way they could sit down and have a nice, long chat with each other. So far, it worked out well; Hide learned more about Kaneki than he ever thought he would, and Kaneki felt the same. Eventually the two did rise and leave the café. Just as they were about to leave the building, however, Kaneki excused himself to the restroom while Hide heard some rumbles of thunder outside.

“Crap…” Hide muttered, looking outside through the glass. “I didn’t expect there to be rain. Didn’t bring an umbrella… maybe Nishiki will pick us up…”

“Are you having trouble?” A voice spoke from behind Hide. It was a woman, at least that’s what his ears assumed.

“Hmm… I guess you could say that. I and a friend came here for coffee, but we weren’t prepared for rain…” Hide sighed quietly. “He’s in the bathroom right now, but he won’t be happy when he sees the weather.”

“That’s a shame.” She stepped closer, standing beside him. “They didn’t say anything about rain this morning…”

“Figures why I didn’t see it…” Hide turned his head slightly to face her. He felt his face redden a bit from her expression.

She was gentle looking. Her eyes were soft as she glanced over to hide, her glasses only highlighting that fact. Her hair was neatly placed on her shoulders and it matched her eye color and some of her make up. Her dressed appeared to be a little wet, so it was implied that she was probably outside. She was holding a black umbrella in one of her hands, which was also dripping a bit with water. “I consider _myself_ lucky I was carrying an umbrella when it started…”

“Huh, I guess I didn’t notice you come in.” Hide chuckled at his own ignorance. “Are you from around here?”

“Around here? Yes, I am. I come to this café quite often, actually. It’s become my new… regular place, you could say.”

“Ever been to Anteiku?”

“I used to go there a lot, actually. But then I moved out of the area due to some… problems with my old landlord.” She sighed a bit dramatically. “He was such a grump; he kept accusing me of things I never did and eventually kicked me out. I live nearby here, now.”

“Huh, that’s pretty neat. I live closer to the city.”

“What’s your name?”

“Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

“Nagachika…” She let the name pass on her tongue. “You can call me Rize, if we meet again. Though, something tells me we will.”

Hide raised an eyebrow. “…What makes you say that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” She grabbed Hide’s hand, placing her umbrella in his hand. “You’ll find out at some point. But for now, take this.” She gave him a small smile, letting her eyes close behind her glasses.

“Wait, what about you?”

“I’ll be here for a while. There’s a book in my purse. I’ll see you around.”

Before Hide could really bring himself to reply, Rize was already walking away from him. She went towards the bathrooms, daintily walking into the women’s bathroom and letting the door shut. Hide only blinked, trying not to let the blush consume his face as he looked down at the umbrella. It was a bit girlier than something he would normally sport, but he still found it awfully nice of Rize to just give it to him.

Kaneki popped his head out of the bathroom stall, quickly going over to the sink to wash off his hands. He didn’t expect to have to relieve himself so suddenly, but he was hoping Hide didn’t mind the wait. his hands were dried, Kaneki rushed out of the bathroom toward Hide, who was still standing at the window. The umbrella in Hide’s hand caught Kaneki’s eye as he stopped beside the other.

“Sorry I took so long…”

“Huh? You didn’t, really.” Hide reassured him. “So, uh, it’s raining outside…”

“Yeah, I can see.” Kaneki sighed. “I’m kind of bummed about that…”

“No worries though! This super pretty lady gave me this umbrella!” Hide held it up, grinning as if he accomplished something huge.

“An umbrella, huh…” Kaneki tried to keep his expression comfortable. Something about Hide’s tale made him a bit weary. “You didn’t know this person?”

“Not at all. She heard me grumbling about the rain and then came up to me and started conversation. Why, does that bother you? Did you know her?”

Kaneki thought for a moment, and then laughed as he rubbed the back of his head. “No, no. Nothing like that, Hide. Don’t be silly.” He put a hand to his chin, another hand going on Hide’s shoulder. “Do you think I’m cheating on you or something.”

“Nothing like that, dork.” Hide flicked the other’s nose. “Might’ve been an acquaintance or something.”

“I doubt it.”

“Fair enough. You wanna go catch the bus then?”

Kaneki pulled his hands away from his face and Hide’s shoulder. “Sure. Do you need any change?”

“I think I should be fine.” Hide headed towards the door going outside, Kaneki following him from behind and soon walking beside him. “It’s drizzling.”

“According to Rize, it was raining harder…”

“…Who?”

“Rize. The woman I was talking about. She said her name was Rize.” Hide blinked. “Do you know her after all?”

“Hmmm…” Kaneki put his hand back on his chin, humming in thought. “…Nope. I mean, maybe a classmate…”

“I don’t either. I’ve never slept with a Rize-”

“ _Hide_.”

“I’m joking, gosh!” Hide wrapped an arm around Kaneki as they walked down the street. “Look, none of the people I’ve been with in the past mean anything anymore, okay? You’re the one I’m involved with.”

Kaneki crossed his arms, turning away from Hide and pouting a little. “Why do you feel the need to glorify how promiscuous you were?”

“It’s a guy thing, I guess. But I won’t do that anymore, Kaneckles.” Hide squeezed him. “Wouldn’t want you getting jealous.”

“I wouldn’t be jealous. I’d be grossed out.”

“I use condoms every time, even with you. Maybe one day I’ll go bareback.”

“Don’t say that kind of stuff in public…”

“Gosh, so discreet. I always liked shy people…”

“Hide.”

“All right, all right. I’ll back off. No more.” Hide kissed Kaneki’s cheek in apology. “Sorry.”

“….It’s okay.” Kaneki leaned into Hide’s touch a little. “Are we almost to the bus, then?”

“We’re a few minutes early. The bench isn’t too far from us now. It’s coming up on the corner.”

“At least it’s still only drizzling…”

“Hey, we could maybe beat the rain. My place is two minutes from the bus stop anyways.”

****

_Hide: lmao kill me_

_Horseshit-Senpai: what the fuck did you do this time_

_Hide: what was the name of kaneki’s ex?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: it was rize but idk what that has NO_

_Horseshit-Senpai: YOU FUCKING DIDN’T_

_Horseshit-Senpai: DUDE_

_Hide: okay okay let me explain!!!!!_

_Hide: i saw her by coincidence when kaneki was in the bathroom and she gave me her and shit like that a lot of stuff happened_

_Hide: when i mentioned her name kaneki got really uncomfortable and_

_Hide: yeah i fucked up_

_Horseshit-Senpai: oh my god you’re a genuine idiot_

_Horseshit-Senpai: i mean you didn’t know but you’re still an idiot_

_Horseshit-Senpai: you could’ve triggered the shit out of him_

_Horseshit-Senpai: where are you now?_

_Hide: the bus_

_Hide: we’re heading back to my place_

_Hide: i mean hopefully the rain won’t be too much of a problem but_

_Horseshit-Senpai: okay_

_Horseshit-Senpai: don’t fuck him, first off_

_Hide: wasn’t going to_

_Hide: i had other plans_

_Horseshit-Senpai: good_

_Hide: just a bunch of mushy romantic-y bullshit i planned to try and get closer to him_

_Hide: nothing sinister i promise_

****

“…Are you sure this is a good idea?” Kaneki asked, blushing to the levels of a tomato as he only had a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Of course it is.” Hide assured Kaneki, also only wearing a towel. Their clothes from earlier were soaked, and were currently making their rounds in Hide’s washer. It rained a bit harder than either of them planned. Luckily, it worked well Hide’s ideas for the two of them; he wanted them to share a bath. To Hide it was a pretty intimate activity, but it was a gentle start for them to try and get more used to each other in a physical sense.

“You’re not going to try anything, right?”

“Of course not. You have my word.”

“Okay…”

“Come with me.”

Hide grabbed Kaneki’s hand, leading him quickly to his bathroom. The air was already humid since Hide had the tub filling up ahead of time. He squeezed a little bit of soap from a bottle into the water, stirring it with his arm and taking in the warmth. Hide let his towel drop, reaching over to turn off the water as he sat down. He nodded at Kaneki, prompting him to sit in the tub with him. Kaneki awkwardly stepped in after him, discarding his towel and sitting in the other end of the tub. Kaneki sighed with pleasure as he could feel the heat on his skin, but it was still a little bit weird to be in the tub with Hide.

Well, it wasn’t as intimate as _some of the other things_ they did together, but Hide needed something to break the ice between; something with a bit less ‘I wanna fuck you like an animal’ and more like ‘I wanna know everything about you because the universe took its time on you’. The latter as a genuine feeling; Hide couldn’t distinguish what it was that drew him to Kaneki so quickly. It was almost miraculous, actually.

Kaneki, on the other hand, his feelings weren’t quit as intense as Hide’s, but there was something there. It wasn’t insignificant, but it probably had something to do with the bad experience that was hi last commitment. Hide didn’t know the full story and Kaneki hoped it wouldn’t have to escalate to that point. After the whole occurrence in the café, it worried Kaneki that it _just might_ get to the point, even slightly. Still, he tried to push it to the back of his mind.

“Hide.” Kaneki spoke up. He needed to distract his thoughts.

“What’s up, Kaneki?” Hide answered gently. He was a bit giddy with his response as well; Kaneki started the conversation this time.

“Today was… fun. I had fun. I liked spending time with you.” Kaneki admitted; his face blushed a little. “I mean, the rain sort of ruined it a little, but it was towards the end. So it was good until we left.”

“Yeah, the rain was a little bit of a downer, huh? But I’m glad you had fun. I had a lot of fun with you, too.” Hide grinned. “I enjoyed getting to know you a bit better.”

“I liked that to. Knowing you a little bit more makes me a bit more comfortable being with you.”

“Communication is key in any relationship. I just… hope you don’t think I’m a sex crazed deviant.” Hide chuckled at his own joke.

“I-I… wasn’t really thinking that at all. Well, actually..” Kaneki rearranged his thoughts. “At first, I sort of did.”

“I like sex, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll spend non-physical quality time with you if you want; anything you want. Just as long as I get to do it with you.” Hide reassured, rubbing Kaneki’s leg in the tub with his foot under the water. “I’m fine if you don’t want sex. It’s not an issue.”

“I mean, sex is nice, but… I don’t know. I’m not completely against it; I guess I’m just a bit weird about it.”

“That’s fine. I won’t do anything unless I have your o-k.”

“Good. But, I won’t always say no to you if you ask.”

“Well, don’t just say yes if I _ask_ you to, silly.” Hide scooted forward, trying to get closer to Kaneki in the tub. “It’s not about me; it’s about you.”

Kaneki turned his face away, mumbling in his own flustered state. “Okay…”

Hide raised an eyebrow. “Are you okay? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“It’s not really _that_ …” Kaneki shrugged a little. “It’s more like… I guess I’m not _used_ to it…”

“…Not used to it.” Hide remembered some of the things Kaneki had told him previously. Some of the pieces fell into place. “I see…”

“I’m sorry, Hide. I can’t… I can’t satisfy you like I should. Not just in a sexual sense, either…”

“That’s not your fault, Kaneki. It’s hers. It’s… Rize’s fault.” It hurt Hide’s throat to let that name leave his mouth.

Kaneki was a bit shocked, his eyes widening. “How did you..?”

“Nishiki. I asked. I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry. It’s… none of my business, but… I got worried and I panicked.” Hide rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

“Uh, no… There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not that it’s none of your business… It’s more like stuff I don’t wanna bring up…” Kaneki lifted his head, finally making eye contact. “Look, I may not want to talk about now; I don’t really know if I ever will. But if anything, I’ll definitely tell you about it whenever I’m ready to.”

“And I can assure _you_ that I’ll try my best to not be like her. If I’m doing something you don’t like, you tell me. Got it?”

Kaneki finally smiled at him. “Got it.”


	11. Boil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG AWAITED WAITING OF LIKE 2 MONTHS  
> i'm so sorry for the wait guys  
> a lot of sorry  
> (i've also got a killer migraine rn so i didn't proofread very well/i'm in all of the pain)
> 
> i planned some stuff for the next few chapters so i wouldn't have to sit in my oven of a house and try to think of ideas  
> some not-very-good things will be happening for now on  
> sort of  
> kind of  
> it's up for interpretation at this point isn't it

Hide loaded their wet clothes from earlier events into the dryer as Kaneki dried himself off in Hide’s bedroom. Hide apologized for the wait, offering some of his own clothing once again for Kaneki to wear. Kaneki still had the clothing from their first meeting on top of his dresser somewhere and only wore at night. In a sense, Kaneki sort of hoped he could keep this set of clothing as well. It was just a slightly oversized striped t-shirt and thin, pocketed shorts; but it was special to Kaneki only because they belonged to Hide. The only article of clothing that was dry for Kaneki was his boxers, which he wore under the shorts.

Hide put on a t-shirt and a pair of underwear to sport around the household as he tried to clean up a bit. He had Kaneki wait on the bed as Hide tended to the clothing and then started up some coffee for the two of them. At this point, it was thundering outside. Luckily, the lights hadn’t started blinking yet which meant that there was a chance the power wouldn’t go out this time. At least, that was Hide’s hope; trying to chill with his desired in the dark sounded a bit boring, and it was a bit too early to throw in the towel and sleep despite how dark the sky was. 

When the coffee was done, Hide rushed the two cups back into the bedroom, being careful not to spill them. Hide handed Kaneki his, sitting down next to him on the bed with his own. Hide took a test sip, nodding in approval. “So, how are you feeling?”

“Less uneasy.” Kaneki answer simply, sipping his coffee and letting the smell hit his noise. “Thank you for letting me borrow your clothing again.”

“Don’t worry about it. You look cute in them anyways.” Hide grinned. “Maybe you can try on my entire wardrobe… a little photo shoot just for fun?”

Kaneki chuckled a little at the idea, nudging Hide’s arm playfully. “Maybe another time.”

“You still have my clothes from before?”

“Of course. They’re in my bedroom.”

“Good. I want you to keep them. I bet they’ll keep you warm when winter comes around.” Hide placed a hand on Kaneki’s thigh, squeezing it lightly. “They’re old clothes anyways, so don’t worry about returning them.” It was also the symbolism that, in a sense, Hide had marked his territory with a possession. Of course, he wouldn’t say something so predatory out loud in front of Kaneki. “Is the coffee okay?”

“It’s fine.” That was a little bit of a white lie; the coffee itself was a little watery, but Kaneki could always teach Hide the finer ways of brewing on another occasion. “Hey Hide, where do you work anyways?”

“A grocery store. Typical teenage job, really. It pays tuition.” Hide shrugged indifferently. “I get discounted food, so that’s nice.”

“That’s not bad. I don’t really get benefits for my job… Well, free coffee and pastries.”

“That’s not too bad either.”

Kaneki shrugged. “It’s the only job I can really stand working at the moment. Plus, Touka and Nishiki work there too, so…”

“Friends are always nice, too. You know, I didn’t expect us to actually have a mutual friend. Nishiki, I mean.”

“I became friends with him through Anteiku and Touka, so… it’s been quite a long time.”

“I met him when I transferred into college. We were roomies for a bit until he moved out to live with his girlfriend. So now it’s just me, so then I moved into this apartment.”

“That sounds like it went a bit smoother than you thought.”

“It did.” Hide nodded. “How about you?”

“I moved out of my Aunt’s, and into the apartment I live in now… it was a favor by my manager; he would take care of my residency costs in exchange for me to work at Anteiku. I was desperate for another place to live that was also close to the college, so I took the offer.”

“It turned out well, then.” Hide grinned a little wider. “And then, you met me.”

“Yeah, but only by chance…” Kaneki sipped his coffee a little. “But I’m not saying it was a bad encounter, either.”

“Aww. I feel the same way, man.” Hide let his free arm wrap around Kaneki, squeezing him into a side-hug. “You know, I think even if you didn’t like me romantically, I’d totally be in a platonic relationship with you.”

“Are you assuming I have a crush on you, then?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow. “You shouldn’t make assumptions like that.”

“ _Kaneki,_ , please. I know people like you. You so want me.” Hide wiggled his eyebrows, drinking a little bit before smirking. “You literally can’t deny this.”

“I can so. Watch me.”

“Is that a challenge, Kaneki? That’s a little enticing, you know.” Hide leaned his face in closer to Kaneki’s, a little bit more of a smirk forming on his face.

“Don’t preface every hard-to-get statement with sexual tension.” Kaneki placed his hand on Hide’s forehead, pushing him back a little. “If I admit it, will you back off?”

“Maybe. Depends on how persuasive you can be.” Hide finished his coffee off quickly, setting the mug down on the floor by his foot. “Go on.”

Kaneki gave the other the ‘you’re on’ expression before taking an unusually short swig of coffee. Before Hide could raise an eyebrow to question it, Kaneki’s lips were already pressed onto Hide’s. Hide’s lips pursed a little bit from the bitter taste and smell coming from Kaneki’s mouth. Kaneki’s tongue forced his mouth open, and the bitter aroma of his coffee made its way through between their mouths. Despite Hide’s reluctance for anything bitter, he let the liquid slowly (but messily) flow into his mouth. His free hand went to caress Kaneki’s face while Hide’s opposite arm remained around him. The kiss only lasted for a few more seconds before Kaneki pulled away, his mouth a little bit of its own mess of saliva and lukewarm coffee. Hide’s hand drew back and his arm removed itself from around Kaneki.

“…Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah, but-” Hide stopped mid-sentence. Kaneki’s face was blushing redder than it ever had, and Hide could’ve sworn he saw the other’s cheeks puff up a little. Hide cracked a smile. “Are you embarrassed of your own confession?”

Kaneki’s face brightened a little more as he turned his head. “Shut up. You’re lucky I like you.”

“God _damn it_ you’re so cute!” In an instant, both of Hide’s arms squeezed around Kaneki, disregarding Kaneki’s own embarrassment _or_ the cup of hot coffee in his hand.

“H-Hide! Get off, you’ll make me spill it everywhere!” Kaneki struggled in Hide’s monstrous grip, trying not to spill the cup.

“Please, let it last.” Hide nuzzled his face on Kaneki. “Oh god, you’re literally precious.”

Kaneki groaned, still trying to get loose from Hide. “How long are you going to hold me like this for?”

“Hmmm, I dunno. A little while, probably.” Hide shrugged. He perked up a little bit at a buzzing noise coming from the nightstand. “Phone?”

“I think it’s mine… if you don’t _mind_ , I mean.”

“Can’t deny you of phone privileges, god forbid. How inhumane of me!” Hide replied jokingly, releasing Kaneki so he could stand from the bed.

Kaneki peeked at his phone, putting the cup down on the nightstand table and picking up the phone, He unlocked it, sliding it with his finger to see who was calling. He bit down on his tongue as he saw the number that had shown up. It wasn’t under any name in particular, since he deleted the number so long ago. He debated on answering it, but before he could make any sort of action, the call went to voicemail and the vibrating stopped. Hide turned around and leaned over, trying to get a view of Kaneki’s face.

“You okay? Who called?”

“A-Ah… just Nishiki.” Kaneki put the phone down and picked the cup back up. “He probably just wanted to check up… on us…?”

“…You think so?” Hide raised an eyebrow.

Kaneki didn’t answer; he had his face stuffed into his cup, trying to finish off the rest of the coffee.

****

_Nishiki: so what are you planning now?_

_Kamishit: I don’t know what you’re talking about._

_Kamishit: And frankly you’re being sort of impolite._

_Kamishit: You don’t speak to me in months and first thing you do in reunion is accuse me of something?_

_Nishiki: please cut the bs_

_Nishiki: I know you’ve been wandering around lately_

_Nishiki: nagachika told me about your latest appearance_

_Nishiki: by the way I’m burning that umbrella and mailing it back you_

_Kamishit: Keep it, Ken bought it for me when we were still together._

_Kamishit: How is he, anyways?_

_Nishiki: oh you know_

_Nishiki: scarred for life_

_Kamishit: He’s overreacting._

_Kamishit: I’m surprised you even still have me on your phone._

_Nishiki: I don’t know why I do, but I guess now I have a reason_

_Nishiki: listen_

_Nishiki: stay away from them_

_Nishiki: if you wanna get the cops involved like we did last time, then I’m all for it_

_Kamishit: But they didn’t find me last time, did they?_

_Kamishit: They closed the case because they thought I disappeared off the face of the Earth._

_Kamishit: In a way I guess I did._

_Kamishit: But even if Nagachika wasn’t in the picture, I would still want to be in contact with Ken._

_Nishiki: what even fucking compels you to do something like that?_

_Kamishit: Because Ken wronged me._

_Kamishit: Did you think there was just some huge disagreement and he just took his keys, gave me mine, and left?_

_Kamishit: No, he stole his keys back, left mine on the table, and ran away like a coward._

_Kamishit: He didn’t have the guts to face me like an adult._

_Kamishit: Instead he ran away from me like a child and drowned in his own self-pity._

_Kamishit: Even when we were together he would always do similar things._

_Kamishit: Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?_

_Nishiki: can you stop putting this crazy batshit in my head?_

_Nishiki: you haven’t changed I can at least see that much_

_Kamishit: I just want a proper break-up._

_Nishiki: my ass_

_Nishiki: stop trying to manipulate me because it’s not gonna work_

_Nishiki: I’m only gonna warn you once_

_Nishiki: stay away from kaneki and nagachika_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i take pride in my headcanon contact names tbh


	12. Perfidy

_Hide: hey nishiki_

_Hide: did you call kaneki the other day?_

_Horseshit-Senpai: no_

_Horseshit-Senpai: why would you get that impression?_

Hide didn’t answer the other text. He shoved the phone into the pocket of his shorts, continuing to stock the shelves. The rest of that evening went nicely; the rain had let up enough so that Kaneki could walk home in his clean clothes, weighed down with Hide’s insistence of keeping the clothes he lent to Kaneki as well. Only a few days passed since then and the two had only communicated through text messages and facetiming. Hide wanted to spend some more times with Kaneki on the upcoming weekend, and Kaneki had said he was probably free. Until then, they would have to slave over usual routine.

He picked up the empty box, carrying it to the back of store. He punched up the bottom, folded it up, and piled it with the rest of the boxes to be taken out before the end of his shift. Lucky for him, it was a slow day; not much stocking had to be done anyways. Not many people had come in, and that small amount of people only bought so much stuff off the shelves. Two were at registers while Hide was shipped off to do what little stocking had to be done. At this point he’d rather do pointless errands than to just stand around and do nothing for the next couple of hours.

Hide wiped the dust from his apron, strolling around the aisles as he headed back up to the front of the store. The thought of Kaneki weighed down his mind, like it did daily. Still, it bothered him that he apparently lied right to Hide’s face. If that wasn’t Nishiki calling, then who was it? He had the slightest deduction that Kaneki could even be _cheating_ on him, but he withdrew that notion right away; Kaneki wasn’t that type of person. He let the countless scenarios boil over in his thoughts as he went through the rest of the slow morning of his shift. Perhaps he could put the pieces together for himself later.

****

“ _Rize_ called you?” Touka nearly dropped her coffee. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“Because I was unsure.” Kaneki averted his eyes, taking a little sip of his coffee before setting the cup down on the table. “I didn’t answer it, and I didn’t even listen to the voicemail she left.”

“I didn’t think she would be sticking her nose into your life again. Sometimes I wish she would just go back to disappearing randomly...”

“I guess it can’t really be helped at this point.” Kaneki shrugged weakly.

“You really don’t see like you care.”

“It’s not really that, Touka.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I’m trying to forget about it. Isn’t that part obvious?”

“Well, yeah, but…” Touka felt a bit awkward. Maybe this was the wrong topic to bring up. “But it’s good that you know she’s around. That way, you can avoid her.”

“…Yeah.” Kaneki was a bit distant in his words. Just as he was getting over his issues, the source has to rear her ugly head? It was irritating. Still, he wouldn’t let bitter words like that slide off his tongue so easily. He needed to be a little bit composed about this; if he let extreme emotions get in the way, Rize could just be attracted to him like a bug to light.

“I could talk to her for you.”

“Nishiki already did.”

“And?”

Kaneki shrugged. “I didn’t want to know. I’m avoiding it as much as I possibly can.”

Touka ignored the withdrawn attitude. “Okay, fine.”

“Fine.”

Why was Kaneki being so standoffish? It struck a nerve with Touka, but she went against her stubborn pride and chose to ignore it for the moment. She saw the conversation since Nishiki showed her, and perhaps there was at least a microscopic bit of a sense to Rize’s words. Her intentions clearly weren’t good, but her logic just might have some truth behind it. The conversation between Touka and Kaneki was short lived, and Touka doubted that she could get any more out of him.

Her head turned to the window. Sometimes she thought Kaneki was even more stubborn than she was, or maybe he was just stupid. Just a stupid boy with stupid boy problems. Well, they weren’t stupid boy problems, but in Touka’s view of Kaneki’s immaturity, they may as well be. Kaneki ended up standing up, muttering something about an ended break before walking away. Touka was left by herself at the table, an unfinished cup of coffee in place of Kaneki.

****

Hide strolled along the sidewalk, a bag of some groceries from work in hand. Might as well try to bring home something decent to eat for dinner tonight. It was sort of late and dark outside, but he’s stayed up to later, more unusual hours of the night so it wasn’t a problem. There wasn’t any rain to be expected, so Hide could take his sweet time walking home. Perhaps he could stop in and grab something for Kaneki for the next time they decide to hang out. Nah, he’s got enough time until then.

He decided to short cut through the park this time, the moon fully visible on the horizon. Although it was expected of a few patrons to be out and about at this time of night, Hide couldn’t help but get the feeling he was being followed. It actually happened a few times, but it was mostly either beggars wanting some change or really creepy people wanting to sell him things (both occasions he succumbed to persuasion). But this time it felt a bit more… eerie.

Hide thought that when he left the park, the feeling would go away. Sadly, it still hovered in the back of his mind even as he walked further away. When he picked up the pace and eventually saw the light of his house in the distance, it was still present. Even when he began to just straight up _sprint_ to his door, unlock it and shove it open to let himself in; still there. He pressed his back up against his door, panting lightly as he tried to compose himself. A few minutes later, his nerves were back on edge as he heard a knock at the door.

He swallowed gently, turning around to click the lock and turn the nob. His heart jumped when he saw who was waiting for him. “….Rize?”

“Nagachika.” She smiled. “I saw you at work this morning while I was picking up some things, so I thought I’d stop by when you were off. Is this a bad time?”

“U-Uh, I…” He was completely shell-shocked. Did she follow him home? “Well, no…”

“Can I come in, then? I’ll leave my shoes by your door.”

“Sure…”

Hide stepped aside, letting her in and shutting the door again. He felt uneasy; something about Rize’s tone of voice was sinister to him. Although he couldn’t quite pick up her intentions just yet, he kept his mouth shut and his thoughts on hold. Perhaps some more observing could help him figure out the puzzle. “Did you need something? Your umbrella?”

“My umbrella?” She raised an eyebrow innocently. “No, keep it. I don’t desire it anymore.”

“Ahh…” That statement was unnerving in itself. She emphasized her ‘disgust’ for it. Hide shuddered a little bit. “It’s too late at night for coffee, huh…”

“It’s okay. I didn’t come for refreshments.” She stepped close in reassurance, her expression becoming a bit gentle.

“Oh?” Hide stepped back, sensing that the wall was coming up behind him. How both very cliché and troubling.

“Nagachika, do you know why I want you to keep that umbrella?”

“No?”

“Because it was a gift to me. From someone I disgust.” She explained slowly. “And you want to know what I do when someone disgusts me? I make sure they get whoever they deserve. And that isn’t you.”

“Excuse me?” Was she referring to Kaneki?

“You’re such a good person. You take care of Kaneki as if you’ve known each other your entire lives. Why are you so attached to someone who doesn’t reciprocate that attachment or deals with his problems?”

“What makes you so sure he’s that bad?” Hide was getting a bit bothered and offended. What right did someone like her have to mouth off about Kaneki? Well, she had history with him, but Hide was convinced she was the worse of the two of them.

“You really don’t understand the history between us, do you? No, of course you don’t. It figures Ken would keep his mouth shut about it.” Rize huffed a little, her hands creeping to Hide’s shoulders. “You know, he was always one to run away and avoid his problems in the past. I’m surprised he hasn’t done it to you… unless you’re just merely a distraction to him. A toy, even.”

How juvenile. He shivered in her touch. “He wouldn’t think of me that way.”

“What, do you think he _loves_ you? It’s not even the fact that you haven’t known each other long; it’s pretty clear that he’s still hung up over me. He acknowledges my existence as much as yours as long as he keeps running away and avoiding me. It’s useless to try and hide.”

“That doesn’t mean he sees me as anything less than you.”

“You would be surprised how wrong you are about that.” Rize pushed him to the wall. He pressed one hand on his chest and the other to cup his frowning face. “But it’s okay; people are wrong about things they’re absolutely certain about all the time. You’re no exception.”

Hide didn’t lean into her touch; his body stayed stiff and cold as he kept taking in what she was saying. As manipulative as Rize was, maybe some of her words _did_ make sense. His eyes dropped to stare on the floor beside him; he couldn’t even look her in the eye anymore. Hide couldn’t fathom what he was hurt more by; Rize’s assumed reality or by the paranoia springing it by his own over-analysis of what Rize was saying to him. It was too much for him to handle.

“Don’t look so sad, you can always leave while you can, right?” Her voice was sweet to the point where it was gross. “He made such a big imprint on you, didn’t he?” Her fingers pressed into Hide’s cheek as she pulled his face closer. “But I think the only person who can help you forget about an abuser is someone who can relate…”


	13. Crashing Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to that person who just asked yesterday when i would be updating, today is your lucky day
> 
> sorry i havent updated, i kind of lost my writing muse due to some baggage in the past couple months, but i am inching my way into getting it back  
> and hopefully i can finish this fic, at least  
> i might try and finish this one before continuing the others, i'm unsure yet  
> but wow, the last update was in august????? im so sorry oh my fucking god
> 
> please  
> enjoy this for all it's worth
> 
> (for fucks sake i was so excited in posting this i literally forgot what the chapter name was)

When he woke up that next morning with the sun, a migraine took over Hide’s thoughts. He groaned softly at the light in his eyes, stuffing a pillow in his face to avoid the glare. His head was spinning and he almost felt like he was going to puke, but Hide couldn’t stay in bed all day even if he did feel like this. Slowly, he removed the pillow from his face and eyed the ceiling. Hide stretched out his arms, the strain following through to his hands and to his fingertips. When he finally let his hands drop, he felt warmth in the mess of sheets next to him. However, when he turned in that direction, the bed was empty.

The memories began to flow back to him a little bit; coming home from work, a certain entity entering his home… but then the rest of that was actually surprisingly blurry. He sat up in the bed, his bones cracking and his muscles aching as his head throbbed. Rize must’ve left him recently seeing as that the bed was still warm.

He sighed heavily to himself; he was supposed to see Kaneki today, but Hide didn’t even know if he could bear to get out of bed if anything. Hide would just stop in to grab coffee in the early afternoon like he always would, and then head off to work and do his homework in the evening. The weekend was creeping closer, and Hide wasn’t sure whether or not he should try to hide the fact that what happened _truly did happen_.

Reaching a bit further, he felt his cellphone under his hand on the nightstand. He picked it up, quickly unlocking it to check it. The battery was less than twenty percent, so he definitely had to remind himself to charge it (he probably left it on the entirety of last night, go figure). He also had a few missed texts; some from Nishiki, some from an unknown number, which Hide assumed that was probably Rize excusing herself to get his number. The most messages came from the last name on his recents, which was obviously Kaneki.

_Kaneki: Hey Hide!_

_Kaneki: I don’t have to work the evening shift tomorrow, so would you like to come over after you go to work?_

_Kaneki: I remember you saying you had trouble with the class you were doing homework for, so maybe I could help you._

_Kaneki: It could be the least I could do as someone who’s… you know_

_Kaneki: I’m your boyfriend, right?_

Hide couldn’t help but chuckle from the series of messages from the other, but a sense of dread also hit him; Kaneki wanted to hang out… probably at his place over Hide’s since he mentioned ‘help with homework’. Hide saw it as an opportunity for _other activities_ to occur, but that almost felt morally wrong. On the other hand, it could play as a good cover-up for _whatever_ happened the previous night (he expressed it as _whatever_ in his thoughts, but he knew damn well what happened just by the wet feeling between his legs and the condom wrapper that was by his phone previously).

He stretched again, letting his phone drop on the bed. Hide would have to hurry if he wanted to get to Kaneki on time, so he pulled off the comforter so he could stand himself up. His head still sort of hurt, and his body felt gross to him. Well, his entire _being_ felt gross; he was a cheater. He may had jumped around in the past, but he never did anything like this before. The pressuring thoughts of telling someone or trying to get advice filled his head as he walked to the bathroom, leaving his phone on the bed to check and reply to everything later.

The shower was short-lived; Hide didn’t want to seclude himself a lot today. He felt that might end up doing something stupid, so he didn’t waste any time dawdling under the water. Hide washed his hair, scrubbed the dirt and whatever else off his body, rinsed off, and left the bathroom with the water off and a towel around his waist. He dried himself off in front of a running fan when he turned it on, quickly picking out clothes that he could look half-decent in. He slipped on a hoodie with no t-shirt underneath, and shorts with his underwear going on first. A pair of socks and sneakers later, all he had to do was dry his hair off.

He sat back down on his bed, grabbing his phone and going back to Kaneki’s texts. Might as well answer;

_Hide: i’m down for that!_

_Hide: just let me know when you want me and i’ll head over_

He kept his reply short on purpose. Something almost contacting Kaneki felt odd to him now. He almost didn’t want to go to Anteiku, but he didn’t want any awkward questioning from Kaneki, or even from _Nishiki_ if Kaneki was concerned enough. Hide rejected the thought; maybe it wouldn’t be _that_ bad, but he didn’t want to risk anything. He got up from the bed, letting the towel drop as he shoved his phone into his pocket. Walking out to the kitchen, he grabbed his wallet and the keys to his front door.

****

The visit to Anteiku was a bit short-lived, due to Hide showing up there a bit later than he intended. He got a decent coffee and conversation from Kaneki by the counter, but it ended up getting a bit busier later on. Kaneki was eventually called away by Touka, and Hide made a hasty exit from the building. In a way he almost relieved that it ended as early as it did; something about Kaneki’s presence made Hide feel awkward. It also made him paranoid in the sense that Kaneki could literally find out about what happened at almost any time. Rize had that sort of power, and Hide almost didn’t put it past her to pull something like that just to spite the two of them.

His work day was normal, but felt even slower than the previous. The traffic of people going in and out was a bit bigger, but Hide just felt the day drag on in general. Fear kept tugging at his thoughts as he constantly checked his phone. He didn’t view the texts from Rize; he didn’t want to know what she said. He didn’t want to _guess_ what she said; he just wanted to forget about it. It was a little bit of an immature move to just up and wipe something so serious from his memory, but Hide couldn’t bring himself to handle it appropriately, which would probably be his downfall later.

Kaneki sat contently in his room, coffee brewing in the kitchen as he rummaged through some of his papers and books for his classes. He was preparing for when Hide would show up and initiate their little study session. Kaneki was excited for it; he didn’t expect to see the other personally like this until the weekend, so this was a treat to be cherished in his eyes. 

Once everything was organized, he checked the time on his phone. Hide would show up any second, which meant the coffee could be poured and the books could be opened. Kaneki was oddly giddy about the occasion, and didn’t expect the contrasted feelings that Hide would be hiding from him. Hide didn’t plan to reveal anything; he had never dealt with sort of issue before. He wasn’t really one to have relationships with people like this. When he would, normally _he_ would be the one getting cheated on. But sadly, the tables had turned, and he wasn’t entirely sure on how to deal with the guilt, or how to even _tell_ Kaneki.

He could tell Nishiki, but there was no doubt in his mind that Nishiki would lowkey plan to beat the guilt out of him if he had to. Touka would probably do the same, but worse; more than likely have Kaneki _watch_ Touka beat the shit out of him. In a way, Hide was at a loss of what to do. He almost didn’t want to show up, but it would be so distasteful and rude of him to do so… especially since Kaneki’s front door was coming up in his sight. Hide bit his lip nervously as he stepped up closer, knocking on the front door with a fist. He would just have to, well, cover it up. He felt it was the best way to go about it, and quite frankly, the only way he _knew_ how to go about it; run away, cover it up with something else, avoid it with a strong enough distraction, hoping it never leaves his secrets…

_…But that would make him as pitiful as Kaneki, by Rize’s definition, would it not?_

“Oh, Hide. You’re just on time for coffee.” Kaneki answered the door with a pleasant smile, stepping aside to let the other in. “I don’t believe… I’ve ever had you over, have I?”

“Mmm? Oh, no, I don’t think so.” Hide nodded, taking off his shoes as he stepped inside. “Sorry… my head’s a little bit in the clouds today…”

“That’s fine. My job is to get your head in the game, right? It’s just a little hiccup.” Kaneki closed the door, walking past Hide to the kitchen. “Come with me, I’ll get you your coffee.”

Hide smiled; a silent reply seemed fitting. He followed Kaneki into his kitchen, and he realized how, well, Kaneki-esque this small apartment was. Hide almost couldn’t stand how _nice_ Kaneki was being to him. The contrasting feelings of “oh my god he’s precious I want to squeeze him” and “dude I’m going to punch you in the face and punch my own face I’m _filthy_ ” plagued his mind, even when the taste of Kaneki’s coffee passed his lips. It definitely tasted like Kaneki made it; Hide made the connection in his head. He would probably know that even if Kaneki hadn’t said anything previously.

Even when sitting down with the other, all attention going to Kaneki’s words, Hide still felt riddled with distraction. Despite the hot mug on his lips, his ears attempting to take it and interpret every word Kaneki said, and even Hide’s eyes being glued to the other’s lips, he could still feel his own sins crawling down his back. Hide simply smiled every time Kaneki made eye contact, uttered his name, or pointed at something on a piece of paper to show him something. His smile almost began to twitch; _oh, how hard he tried._

Before Hide could realize it, two hours had already passed. Kaneki still seemed to perky and wide awake to do more, but Hide almost felt like he was dragging Kaneki down with his lack of enthusiasm. He looked down at his half-finished cup of lukewarm coffee; Hide almost felt like he didn’t deserve to drink it hot. The gross, overexposed coffee was about as shallow and washed out as Hide felt right now. He swallowed, downing the cup in one go as Kaneki lost track of his own words watching Hide.

“…Hide? I could’ve gotten you another cup if you really wanted it. You should’ve said something; you’re my guest.” Kaneki almost felt a little bit bad. Oh, if only he knew; he probably would’ve done worse than let Hide drink cold coffee.

“No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if did something like that… waste your coffee, I mean. It still tastes delicious.” He was noticeably slipping to himself, but Kaneki just thought he was being weird.

Kaneki raised an eyebrow for sure, but still managed to utter amused laughter at Hide’s supposed ridiculousness. “You’re weird, you know that? In a good way, I mean. I enjoy your humor.”

Hide’s laughter turned nervous; _oh god, he’s smiling like that again._ The way Kaneki’s lips perked _just that little bit_ whenever he smiled at something he liked always got Hide going. In one swift movement, Hide’s lips were already pressed onto Kaneki’s; anything to wipe that smile off Kaneki’s face, if even for a moment. At this point, it was almost torture to look at it now.

“…Hide? That was a little unexpected.” Kaneki spoke softly as Hide pulled away.

Hide bit his lip so hard, he wanted to rip it off; just the way Kaneki _looked_ at him made him sweat. “I, uh… I’m sorry. Your smile’s just… kissable, I guess! Your lips are just that perfect shape, I couldn’t help myself!” Hide sounded a little more awkward than he intended, but Kaneki giggled in response; nice save.

“…You know, Hide.” Kaneki interrupted Hide’s nervous train of thought. “Maybe you’re right; cold coffee doesn’t taste that bad.”

Kaneki licked his lips oh-so-slightly after he said that; Hide felt like he was gonna _die_.

“…Does it now? I’ve convinced you that yet another thing is great?” Hide raised an eyebrow teasingly, trying to simultaneously keep his cool and not pounce on Kaneki like the guilty prick he felt like.

“You’re just persuasive on the extremes. Not like it’s a bad thing.” Kaneki offered a small shrug, scooting a little closer to Hide’s spot. “But you know, I could also be offering to be persuaded.”

This was a sick, sick set up, even for Hide. It was like the universe was against him today; constantly making him reflect upon his guilt no matter how much he tried to escape it. On one hand, it _did_ seem like his sins were just waiting to be admitted. On the other hand, Kaneki opening himself to Hide like this… almost seemed like means of escape. Their faces inched closer to each other, meeting for another kiss. It tasted bitter to Hide; not from the coffee, but from his regret. And yet… it felt good enough to indulge.

*****

“Hey. You left your coffeemaker on, Ken. You didn’t even set it up… how are you supposed to make coffee?”

Kaneki had woken up that morning to see that Hide had vanished without a trace… aside from a very vaguely written note. Kaneki had no idea Hide had work, otherwise he wouldn’t have invited the other over for any “shenanigans” in the first place. He almost felt like he should apologize, but now wasn’t the time for that. For now, Kaneki had another house guest to deal with; more specifically, one that would come announced, (somehow) managing to pick the locks on his front door every time, and bring some foreign brew of coffee for the two of them to try.

Kaneki grimaced; still in his bed, still in his sheets, and still naked. “…Did you have to come so early, Uta?”

“The early bird catches the worm, you know. Though, I’d probably prefer something that doesn’t come from the ground.” Uta sat on the end of the bed, teetering in his position as he stared at Kaneki.

“Well… I guess you caught me in a good mood, then.” Kaneki rubbed his eyes, yawning a little bit into his fist afterwards. “I had a comforting amount of sleep last night.”

“Looks like you did. You look… refreshed.” Uta blinked a few times. “Get some clothes on, and help me with your weird coffeemaker.”

Kaneki sighed; there was no escaping him this time.

Last night was, as Kaneki would describe it… almost _magical_. Something was off about Hide, but in the best way. He seemed a bit more physically passionate compared to the past moments of intimacy the two shared. How long has it been… about a month since the two met up by coincidence? Kaneki couldn’t remember clearly; time had been moving for him so fast lately, he could barely keep track of anything anymore. Kaneki just put on shorts and shirt, not really caring much for his drowsy appearance or his bedhead; Uta would probably have Kaneki make coffee naked if he were impatient enough.

Uta sat at the table, watching Kaneki tinker with the coffeemaker, putting in the grounds, the water, letting it heat up… well, he _looked_ like he was fascinated, whereas in reality his mind was wandering.

But of course, Uta had to hold his tongue until Kaneki was engrossed in a cup of water. “So, who came first?”

Kaneki choked, spitting water out in front of him and getting it on his shirt. He had a coughing fit at he turned his head to face Uta. “W-Who… who told you about that..?!”

Uta shrugged casually. “Heard it around. Besides, it’s not like anyone would _not_ notice; your skin is healthier.”

“Ugh… could you have brought up the topic in a more discreet way?”

“Well yes, but where’s the fun in that?”

Once again, Kaneki grimaced, just dumping the rest of the water in the sink. “No, really; how did you find out about this?”

“Shuu.”

“And how did _he_ find out?”

“The one he compares to horse feces.”

“….Ah, should’ve gathered that, huh?” Kaneki rolled his eyes a little; he could never catch a break at this point. “Can you just be careful with disclosing this sort of stuff?”

“Of course.” That was a white lie if Uta ever told one. “Not like it’s a big deal anyways.”

“If you say so…” Kaneki pulled the coffee pot off the stand, pouring it into two mugs he had placed on the counter prior. “This smells… sort of sweet. Should I drink it black?”

“Probably, yes. You prefer your coffee on the bitter side, right?”

“Usually yes, but I can always handle a little sugar…”

“…Does he take his coffee sweet?”

“Insanely sweet, yes.”

Kaneki took both mugs, sitting them on the table as he sat across from Uta. He sipped his own coffee gently, intrigued by how weirdly sweet the black coffee was. His eyes went to Uta, who had the same bewildered expression that Kaneki wore (though, Kaneki could easily tell Uta was just mocking him for humor). Still, it was an interesting taste; maybe he would have Hide try it for himself the net time decided to stop by.

“…You want to know what’s been bothering me lately?” Uta chimed in meekly, sipping his coffee steadily.

“…Things bother you?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow. Uta was a relatively passive person (from what he knew, anyways), so hearing something like this came as a little bit of a shock. “What is it?”

“Buzzing.”

“There’s no bug in here, from what I could see.”

“No, I mean it sounds like a phone.”

“…Last time I checked, my phone was on silent… Could you excuse me for a minute?”

Kaneki stood from his chair, taking his mug of coffee with him to the bedroom. He could’ve _sworn_ he set his phone on silent, but then why was there buzzing? Sure enough, when he stepped by the nightstand, another phone was sitting on the floor. From the color of it, he could tell it was Hide’s. Even when Kaneki picked it up, it still vibrated in his hand. The screen lit up, showing that Hide had _multiple_ missed texts from an unknown number (though it seemed), but Kaneki could recognize the number instantly.

He only had to see the small snippet of the message provided on the screen to drop his mug on the floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,i'll also admit that the ending of this particular (and probably others) chapter was a bit rushed  
> i apologize once again, i sort of got excited since it's like YEAH SHITS GONNA HIT THE FAN NOW
> 
> uhm  
> if i incorrectly stated anything, i also apologize  
> i didnt do a proper re-reading to refresh my memory quite yet


	14. You're Disgusting

Hide’s first thought about the sudden conference that was texted to him the other night would kind of be like an alcoholics anonymous meeting; several people sitting in chairs in a circle, talking to a guy about his problems, what he’s done wrong, etc. He especially had the implication that it’d be a calm settling, but he was sorely mistaken when he entered Anteiku that afternoon (holes being stared through him, might I add), headed upstairs to Touka’s residence, and was instantly met with a dirty look, harsh words, and an angry hand grabbing Hide’s shirt collar. Sadly, that wasn’t the end of it.

Touka’s distant and (not normally) soft spoken younger brother’s job was to visit once a week to check on an aquarium set in Touka’s room out of spite. It wasn’t a killer thing to do, but he loved his fish, and he also loved pissing off his sister. Now, when he let himself in that very same afternoon, he didn’t expect to see Touka even a foot nearby the tank in the open space. Instead, what he saw, was his sister trying to drown another person in the tank, also endangering the fish, and the other person. But the brother didn’t know Hide, and frankly didn’t care that much.

While Hide choked and sputtered and dried himself off with a dish towel, Touka had briefly explained what the last few months consisted of. Surely enough, her brother, named Ayato, wasn’t impressed. Ayato wasn’t very fond of Kaneki at all; he’d punch Kaneki at least once every time he visited. But seeing that the big news was very Kaneki-centric wasn’t the disappointing factor. Rather, it was the latter half of that explanation; what _happened_ to Kaneki. Ayato had some morals, and he could easily put out that not even someone as dorky and hopeless as Kaneki deserved something like that. Though, the kicker that stood out even more was the current news of Kaneki.

To put it simply; he disappeared. He hadn’t shown up for work or classes in a few days. According to Hide, Kaneki’s phone was out of service and wasn’t taking any of his texts or calls or even voicemails. Touka’s instinct was to, of course, blame Hide since his acts of infidelity sort of caused the panic in the first place. At this point, Ayato had gotten his fill of information and quietly, but snarkily, excused himself from the room. At this point, it was a back and forth snap session and stare down with Hide and Touka.

“You have no idea how much I wanna hit you right now.”

“What, the act of you trying to drown me didn’t give off the same vibe, Touka?” Hide retorted, raising an irritated eyebrow. “Threatening acts of violence on me isn’t gonna fix this.”

“Then what do you suggest?”

“Well, not killing me would be a good start.”

Touka crossed her arms. “I’m not touching you, right?”

Hide grimaced. If only looks could kill. “Very funny… who was he with last, then? If we could know at least that much…”

“It was an annual visit with an acquaintance of ours from a different part of the area. He doesn’t work at Anteiku, so you wouldn’t know him.”

“You think Kaneki could’ve gone with that guy?”

“I’m not sure. Uta doesn’t normally have people in there unless they’re customers. Kaneki’s gone there a few times with some of us, but it was never for anything big.” Touka’s eye closed slightly, a sigh escaping from her lips. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was with him, actually. They’ve gone drinking a few times together. Specifically after Rize…”

“Right, that…”

“Uta always said it wasn’t a good idea to drink alone, especially in Kaneki’s case. They could’ve done that, but that wouldn’t explain why he’s been gone for several days.”

“That’s worrying, though, no matter how you look at it.” Hide scratched the back of his head, eyes moving to the window. “Where could he be…?”

“Well, there is one other possibility.”

Hide’s eyes went back to Touka’s. “Really? What is it?”

“You know my brother who was here earlier?”

“Yeah, how could I not? He had a death grip on my arm.”

“I know. Anyways, he doesn’t live here because he has some… weird dorm system with these other guys. I never liked them, the police doesn’t like them, and they generally don’t come around here. However, because of Ayato’s spite to Kaneki, they all have something against him… Like a really weird, boyish brotherhood bond that you would see in a movie.”

“So you’re telling me… that Kaneki could’ve gotten involved with these guys?”

Touka shrugged. “It’s a possibility.”

“Ah, so it’s like that…”

“…But hold on a second.” Touka interrupted the atmosphere. “Before we go on a wild goose chase, I need to ask you something.”

“As if you haven’t questioned me enough…”

“No, I’m being serious.”

“…Fine. Go ahead.”

“Fine. Now, I don’t know you well. Let’s get that clear.”

Hide nodded. “All right.”

“But, despite that, Hide… did you really mean it?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you… did that with Rize, you weren’t just fooling around, were you?”

He raised an eyebrow, a little bit confused at the question. He raised his fingers to scratch his cheek in thought, trying to interpret the question. “I don’t know what you mean…”

“Yes you do. You might look like a total sleaze bag ladies’ man, but you look too guilty to have enjoyed it.”

“So… you’re implying that there was some ulterior motive.”

“It’s written all over your face, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps it is…”

“Then save the bickering and spill it.”

Hide fidgeted in his stance a little, eyes switching between Touka’s and the wall. Moments passed, and he let out a heavy sigh, relaxing his posture and shoving his hands in his pockets. “All right, I’ll tell you everything… so. Rize. She’s basically out to get Kaneki at this point. At least from what I know. Am I correct?”

“On the right track, yes.”

“This isn’t shocking, but she basically fluffed me up and told me that Kaneki was still hung up over her. The whole ‘he doesn’t feel the same way you do’, ‘he’s not over me yet’, he’s ‘this’ and ‘that’…that sort of stuff.”

“It’s definitely a believable Rize tactic.”

“It gets worse from there. I mean, that was just at the front door. She led me to my own bedroom and… you know, started to undress me I guess. To put it a little less awkwardly. Which I guess doesn’t sound all that necessary to include, but what she said during it was… sort of the trigger.” Hide rubbed his head a bit harder, a groan escaping. “It’s getting blurry…”

“Don’t stop now. This could save your life.”

“Reassuring. Anyways, I guess I gave off the impression that I didn’t exactly consent to the entire fiasco. Then she said some unsettling things. I thought she was being facetious, but in fact…”

_“Hey, listen… I’m not entirely sure if I’m on board with this entire thing.”_

_“Weren’t you listening to me earlier? Why be around someone who will only hurt you and reject your affections when you can be with someone like me?”_

_“I mean, I know that you probably know Kaneki better than I ever will, but… it just doesn’t sound like him…”_

_“…Are you going to be stubborn about this? Because if you are, I can always leave.”_

_“You’re giving up just like that…?”_

_“I’m not giving up. That’s a threat.”_

_“How is that a threat?”_

_“Simple. You keep me busy, or I go after Ken instead..~”_

_“What?”_

_“He’ll try to avoid me at all costs, but I could always find him and… make him feel how I felt. Or, since you’re so head over heels for him, combined with the fact that you’re so convinced he feels the same way… perhaps you could prove to be a distraction…? You don’t want your precious Kaneki anywhere near me anymore, right? Why not take the hit for him like you always vowed you would?_

“…So she manipulated you. And you fell for it.”

“Geez, Touka. Not even a little ice on the wound here?” Hide’s eyebrows arched. “Sheesh, I’m not some monster…”

“Gotta rip off the band aids for fools. Still, she was smart in her words; I’ll give her that much. Rize’s also not one for empty threats, but what you did was still pretty horrible.”

“Yes, we went over that bridge many times. It was a ploy to pull us apart and it worked. I should’ve known she was gonna go after him either way…”

“At least that much I can sympathize for. But stupidity aside; we need to find out where Kaneki went.”

****

_Nishiki: hey_

_Uta: Hey._

_Nishiki: oh, you’re actually answering texts within an hour nowadays_

_Uta: Don’t expect it to be a habit. The shop is empty._

_Nishiki: so Kaneki isn’t with you?_

_Uta: He hasn’t been with me since he disappeared._

_Nishiki: so you have no idea where he is_

_Uta: When he discovered the news, he kindly asked me to leave his house. I haven’t heard from him since._

_Nishiki: that idiot_

_Nishiki: this isn’t good at all_

_Uta: You haven’t seen him since, either?_

_Nishiki: not since before you, no_

_Nishiki: I should’ve known he was gonna pull another disappearing act_

_Nishiki: it only makes it harder on us and easier for her_

_Uta: I could initiate a search party, if that would be any help._

_Nishiki: how about stay on the sidelines for now_

_Nishiki: too many people involved would only raise suspicion_

_Nishiki: leave it to anteiku_

****

“…And you just found him like this?” Ayato had an eyebrow raised and a cup of water in his hand. “And then, your greatest idea was to drag him back here of all places?”

“Not me. Big Brother.” The other male replied, sitting on the floor next to a chair with an unconscious body slumped on it. “He told me to keep watch.”

“Keep watch…” Ayato seemed skeptical, taking a sip of water. “This guy isn’t any of my business. It’s Touka’s responsibility to keep this kid in line, not mine.”

“Good. Because I wouldn’t let you take him anyways!”

“Naki, I could beat you in a fight without spilling this cup.”

“Not if I knocked the cup out of your hand!” Naki retorted, a brief cackling following. “Then you couldn’t fight me at all!”

“Anyways, I’m heading out.” Ayato turned around, taking the last sip of water before crushing the Styrofoam cup in his hand. “Just tell Jason not to let him die.”

Naki nodded as Ayato walked out of the room, throwing the crushed cup in a waste bin on his way out. He didn’t have a tolerance for Kaneki, even in his current situation. It was a reoccurrence of being lonely at a bar, drinking more than he should, a stranger sitting with him at the table… Kaneki had sealed his fate once again. Though, instead of being taken home and gently, a rougher approach was taken; some tampering of drinks, the destruction of a cell phone, and a pretty hefty car ride lead to Kaneki’s current conundrum. He was still unconscious and now, tied to a chair being guarded by someone… who couldn’t do a lot of damage in his current state. But the important thing was that he was trustworthy (though, maybe a bit too intensely so) enough for the job… at least until a fight was brought into question.

Hours passed carelessly and night fell upon the building faster than Naki’s head onto the floor. He had passed out at some point, and quite conveniently, Kaneki had finally started coming to. His head was pounding, his ankles and wrists were sore from being tied to the chair, and most importantly he had no idea where he was. The henchmen taking a snooze on the floor looked familiar, but that was his only context clue. The chair creaked quietly as Kaneki struggled to get loose; whoever tied those knots was seriously handy. Kaneki had a lot of questions swimming in his head; _Where am I? Who took me here? Why is my memory so… blurry?_

_…Does Hide know I’m gone?_

Footsteps could be heard in the hallway, and Kaneki began to panick. Aggressively, he began to shake in the chair to try and loosen the ropes. As a result, the chair began to tip over in Naki’s direction. Even with Kaneki’s full weight on the falling chair, Naki only groaned in response before fidgeting in his nap. It was good that he didn’t wake up, but it almost made it feel like the footsteps were getting closer even faster. The door creaked open, the cup from Ayato’s hand flying across the room as the breeze of the door opening almost felt like a chill. The goose bumps on Kaneki’s neck made him shiver and shut his eyes as the approaching figure stopped right in front of the pile-up at the end of the room.

Kaneki’s eyes shut tightly and he basically shut down his senses. It was clear that he was awake considering how tense his body was, but he stayed still regardless. There was an awful rank, rotten smell hitting his nose that he couldn’t quite distinguish. Heavy footsteps stopped right in front of his face, and what felt like a leather shoe tapped on his nose. His nose crinkled, but Kaneki kept still. What felt like a coarse piece of fabric, assumed to be a blindfold, slid over his face. Kaneki could only swallow quietly as the tight knot was tied behind his head.

_Am I going to die here?_

****

_Rize: So, Hide._

_Rize: Any luck on your search party?_

_Hide: didn’t I block your number?_

_Rize: I have my ways around it._

_Rize: I know you’ve been ignoring my texts for sweet Ken._

_Rize: But I’m not lying when I say that night was wonderful._

_Hide: you’re sick_

_Hide: you manipulated me and turned me into a flaming hypocrite_

_Rize: Like Ken, right? That was the plan._

_Rize: Bad people deserve bad people, Hide._

_Rize: And now that you’re a criminal of infidelity, you don’t deserve me._

_Rize: Remember how much of a good person you were?_

_Hide: listen, just because you tricked me doesn’t mean I’m stupid_

_Hide: I did that to protect Kaneki, that’s it_

_Hide: I don’t FEEL anything for you, so don’t get the wrong idea_

_Rize: I know you don’t._

_Rize: As far as you’re concerned, I’m just a disgusting girl._

_Rize: Additionally, with some pent-up need for revenge, which isn’t entirely incorrect._

_Rize: I’m disgusting for holding a grudge, but I still have one more thing left to do before I’m released from my bonds._

_Hide: where is he?_

_Rize: So quick to assume I know that for sure?_

_Hide: nothing surprises me anymore_

_Hide: tell me where he is NOW_

_Rize: And why should I do that?_

_Rize: What are you going to do to me? Drag the coffee shop friends who hate you now to get me?_

_Rize: Just like before, I’ll only disappear off the face of the earth, with no one to find me otherwise._

_Hide: tell me where he is Rize_

_Hide: I don’t care how many times you want to use me sexually I just want to know where he is_

_Hide: I don’t CARE what you want_

_Hide: just TELL ME WHERE HE IS_

_Rize: While the sex was good, I hate to say that it won’t pay the price._

_Hide: then what do you want?_

_Rize: Time._

_Hide: how much?_

_Rize: An indefinite amount._

_Rize: I need time to think._

_Hide: and why should I even grant you that much_

_Rize: Don’t misinterpret me. If anything I’m granting YOU that much._

_Rize: I could easily go to Ken myself and destroy him where he stands._

_RIze: Or perhaps… even sits, if you may._

_Rize: I couldn’t tell you what’s going on with him specifically._

_Hide: TELL ME WHERE HE IS_

_Rize: Time, Hide._

_Rize: For now, this will be the last time I’m contacting you._

_Rize: Give me about two or so weeks before expecting a text back._

_Rize: But for now, bye. <3_


	15. Breathing Easy

_What time is it? How long have I been here for? Is… this bread that I’ve been fed, or just sponge?_

The concept of time left Kaneki’s body in what felt like ages ago. Like Rize’s ominous messages to Hide had said about two weeks’ time, about two weeks had passed since Kaneki had found himself in that building with a sleepy guard on the floor. The ropes were still tight on him along with the blindfold; Kaneki hadn’t seen light naturally for so long, and he felt as if he was going to lose his mind over it. No questions had been answered, no memories were gained after his apparent capture… Kaneki was clueless.

His wrists and ankles felt raw from the restraints and his eyes were dry under the blindfold. His taste buds felt rotted from thirst and everything to him tasted bland and raw. He had been sitting there by himself for a couple of hours; disheveled clothing and hair, filthy from not showering… the list could go on. But the main issue was his restraint; that would definitely get to him first. He would be released from his ropes on occasion, only to be restrained in some other way. But in the end, he would always end up back in that chair.

He would struggle weakly out of habit, but all movement of his ceased when the door gently creaked open from the other side of the wide room. His swallowing was dry and hallow, but enough to give a sense of nervousness. He grew used to the odd smell of musk, the heavy footsteps, what sounded like gloves and a pair of (what he assumed to be) pliers… but it was different. The footsteps were lighter and quieter, with no sense of second company at all. The scent wasn’t of musk, but it wasn’t anything Kaneki could clearly recognize.

The footsteps stopped in front of him, hands going to his face in… a way of caressing instead of grabbing and forcing control. One grabbed his cheek, the other went to brush the hair from his blindfolded eyes.

“I was really hoping our meeting didn’t end up like this, Ken.”

His eyes widened underneath the blindfold, his serene yet numb expression clearly disturbed. And yet, he stayed quiet.

“Still won’t talk to me, huh?” The woman’s, Rize’s, gentle fingers poked at Kaneki’s cheek. “Then again, I did initiate that act of infidelity, didn’t I? But that was miles away from what you did to me.”

“..Why?”

“Mmm? I didn’t hear you. Speak up.”

Another dry swallow followed. Kaneki’s throat was so sore, he couldn’t help his raspy voice. “Why did you do it?”

“To get a reaction, of course. Knowing you, you would either go after me or avoid me at all costs. And luckily for me, you picked the latter.” She began to circle Kaneki, letting her hand slide along his shoulders as a lingering reminder of her presence. “If you left me without a word in the first place, I doubted you would confront me. So of course I had to take matters into my own hands.”

“Then why did you… take me to a place like this?”

“That was just a helpful coincidence. I wasn’t aware that Yamori was allowed on the streets anymore.” She shared a small shrug. “I had other plans, but this is a little more helpful for me to express my point.”

“What point?”

“The point that says you were unfair to me.” Her hand stopped on his shoulder. “Remember?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She squeezed his shoulder a little. “No closure. You broke into my house and stole back your own keys. You blocked my number, multiple times, and manipulated your friends into thinking _I_ was the bad one. Wounds may scar, Ken, but memories never heal.”

Maybe he did know what she was talking about, but this time, Kaneki held his tongue. Discomfort was clearly obvious, even when half of his expression was still masked. He pursed his lips as Rize’s grip on his shoulder tightened unsettlingly. He knew this wasn’t going to end particularly well; his earlier trials of his ‘visit’, although short-lived, already had him wishing for death or worse. Then again, the awkward, breath-taking silence he was witnessing at the moment felt more worthy of his sanity than… the _things_ he’d rather not repeat. At least not in this sort of company.

“Ken, what kind of person do you think you are?” Rize broke the silence with the peculiar question.

“What?”

“Don’t banter. Just answer me. It’s a simple question; what kind of person do you think you are?”

He refused to answer at first, and then swallowed a dry breath. “I don’t know.”

“Do you think you’re an evil person?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. I don’t think so either.” Another squeeze. “But I don’t think you’re a good person.”

“Why are you so convinced that I wronged you?” Kaneki’s tone began to change, despite his frightening predicament. The pain in his muscles became a bit more obvious as he finally began to fidget in the restraining chair; her touch on his shoulder became sickening. “Just tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize and be on my way. W-Why did you think something… _this traumatizing_ was a worthy punishment…?”

“Have you finally broken? You sound a lot less shaken up than I thought you would. Don’t you remember how worked up you would get in our fights? Sniffling and crying, itching and begging for my forgiveness so we could stop being mad at each other… did you finally grow out of that, or did Yamori scrape it off you forcefully?”

Kaneki was once again silent. Perhaps the latter was right; he didn’t want to recount the last couple of days despite how recent any inflictions were. He kept it in the back of his mind. He knew the weight of the burden of his injuries, amongst other things, would definitely kick in later.

“…When you can’t touch your face, you clam up. You’re pretty easy to read when it comes to lying.” Rize began speaking again, removing her hand from his shoulder. “Do you see what kind of point I’m trying to make? Maybe back then a simple apology and exchanged tears would’ve stopped the wound from splitting even more, but all you did by running away was cut deeper.”

“I realize what I did wrong.”

“Good to know. So did I.” Rize began pacing around the trapped young man again. “That I let you get away so easily. I was so easy on you, and you did nothing but spite me and test my patience.”

“What about what you did to me?” Kaneki finally retorted; properly, this time. “All those times you would pick the locks to my apartment? What about the time that you changed my phone number under my identity without telling me? Or the time that you got angry enough with me that I was almost crushed by a steel beam at a construction site? No, maybe the scars on my stomach would tell a better tale.”

“Like I said; wounds scar, but memories don’t heal.” Rize shrugged lightly. The sense of dread knowing that she would invalidate Kaneki’s troubles for her own gain caused his blood to boil. Of course she didn’t care about he felt; Kaneki was pretty sure she _never_ did. Something in the back of his mind told him that Rize was only going with this to fulfill her own twisted intentions, but he was too hazy on the details to tell. Pain shot down his neck, down to his backside as he moved more in the seat. The pain reminded him of unsavory activities, but he scratched the concern out for now.

“Then what are you going to do with me?” Kaneki finally asked, his voice stoic and patchy from his raw throat.

“ _I_ know I’m going to do. But I know that you’re more concerned about when you’re leaving.”

“Well, obviously.”

“Like I said, Yamori finding you was coincidence. I’ll do what I need to do, but whether you leave or not isn’t up to me. Or my concern.”

“…And you’re just going to leave me here like this? Do you really hate me that much?”

“It’s not that I hate you. I’m literally incapable of escorting you out of here even if I wanted to. But anyways, I’ll be back in a moment.”

Her footsteps, although light and quick, felt like the same pounding Kaneki could feel in his head. He struggled weakly in his restraints, failing to loosen them up at all even now. He didn’t know what she was doing and, frankly, couldn’t really care; nothing could compare to what Yamori… that guy… did earlier. To _any_ of the stuff he did earlier. The memories drifted behind his eyes, but he tried his best to push them back; he had to hold his ground through whatever Rize’s surprise was. Although he wouldn’t hold it up to the same values as earlier, he was equally as nervous for it.

An odd, strongly distasteful smell filled his nostrils as he heard the heavy door creak open, and then shut again. It was horrible, probably acidic… yet familiar. Kaneki felt like he was experiencing déjà vu with what he was smelling, and it was frustrating not being able to see what was going on. The dainty footsteps were still within his reach, so it was clearly still Rize over the latter. Still, the latter didn’t use any form of acidic torture; mainly physical or with… _tools_. The smell burned Kaneki’s nose, and his thoughts spun like a game show wheel trying to figure out what his fate would be.

A slapping noise… was that plastic? It sounded like plastic, so maybe gloves? He was clearly moving in his spot now, even trying to lean in the direction of where the smell was coming from. Rize only gave a small, unseen smirk as the gloves slipped over her fingers and covered her hands. “You seem anxious.” She commented.

“What are you doing? And what’s that smell?” His tone grew aggressive. “Uncover my eyes.”

“I can’t do that. Yamori’s word is law around here.” She cooed mockingly. The smell grew stronger as she dipped her hands into a small container with was filled with the mystery concoction. “As to what this is… you’ll find out in a second.” She took a bit of the drippy fluid in her hands, walking a short distance to Kaneki and gently placing her hands into his hair. “..This might burn a little bit.”

“What do you mean by burning? What are you do- _Ahh_ , fuck!” Kaneki’s eyes shut tightly under his blindfold as the curse escaped his lips so harshly. He could finally put two and two together; the mystery smell was coming from _hair bleach_. He was surprised he could even recognize the smell like that; he had caught a scent of it at Hide’s a few times, but they were only in small bursts. And to think, even now, he could still bare to think of the other…

“I told you it might burn.” She kept massaging the bleach into his hair, taking care to evenly distribute it. “When you struggle it like that, it only makes it harder on you.”

“ _W-Why…_?” He could barely speak through his own pain. His scalp felt like it was on fire as he tried to fight back tears behind the blindfold. His muscles, once throbbing in their own pain, were now completely stressed and tense from the burning on top of his head. Kaneki’s breathing patterns were everywhere, and sometimes he couldn’t breathe from how excruciatingly painful this process was. Could Rize not even bother to be careful?

“Since you’re a little… choked up, I’ll answer your unspoken questions.” She got a little more bleach into her hands, and then continued. “You know, Kaneki, one of my favorite parts about your body was always your hair. It was so simple, but something about it made me fall in love with it. Is that weird?” She stayed silent for a moment, still working her hands. “But now, I don’t have a reason to love it. So I’m going to get rid of now. I’m not going to bleach it enough to make it fall out… at least not intentionally. Just enough to ruin it; enough to damage it and make it about as coarse and frail as you are as a person.”

Through his restrained tears, Kaneki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t even verbally defend himself; if he opened his mouth, he would probably scream out in pain, guaranteed. He feared that if he was too loud… _he_ could possibly come back. That was the last thing Kaneki wanted, so he managed to keep his mouth shut, minus a few whines and winces escaping his pressed lips. Tearstains began to slowly pop up on the fabric of the blindfold, but she wasn’t going to stop at the mercy of his crying; Kaneki would have to sit through to the end. He couldn’t wrap his head around her reasoning, but he’d probably have a grasp one the pain stopped for a short while.

****

“Mmmm…”

A groan escaped Hide as he struggled to fall asleep. Two weeks passed; nothing happened. He texted Rize right on the mark, and she only replied with a vague one-message response; _I’ll see what I can do_. Was she really insane enough to give herself no power in Kaneki’s welfare? Maybe; Hide didn’t know her well enough to think otherwise. His body ached from trekking the city all day, along with the small break to attend an afternoon class. Hide wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

The police made an equal amount of no progress, and it was rapidly approaching the time to scrap the investigation completely, turning over a new to begin a murder case in its place. Nobody at Anteiku thought Kaneki could’ve died, nor did Hide; yet the lingering dread of the possibility of it definitely brought down the morale of the group. Touka definitely didn’t see herself combining efforts with Hide, but a small part of her saw that Hide was actually genuinely concerned about Kaneki’s safety; perhaps more than his own. She allowed his interference as long as he was under supervision on whatever he planned to do, and he accepted the deal in a heartbeat.

Another text message dripping with worry was sent from Hide’s phone, and like before, he expected no reply. Two weeks almost felt like two months, and he hoped it wouldn’t go beyond that. He had been with Touka previously, and despite the mutual stress, she could only assure him that sleeping was the best thing he could do right now.

_Just get some sleep, Hide. You look exhausted._

Still, his heart was weighed down by his un-apologized sins and his worries of Kaneki; someone who he could probably call his other half despite his own faults. Hide had so much he wanted to say to Kaneki, only to have to hold it back until his eventual return. He saved himself from the mushy details; what was more important was an apology. His eyes wandered to the window that showed him the outside, and he merely hummed in disdain. He set his phone down on the nightstand, deciding to try and sleep again; perhaps tomorrow would be more promising.


	16. Testimonials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY DID IT  
> college is a thing that sucks

The rain outside pounded on the glass of the windows, and it look like they could shatter at any moment. Night time approached quickly with that storm, and like most things, wasn’t expected to actually happen. The sky was pitch black with the clouds causing the ruckus, the only exception being the bolts of the lightning that would scratch out the sky view. The curtains were eventually pulled shut on the resistant windows, but the noise was a reminder that the storm wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. The light above the table was dim, and blinked with the subtle threat of the electricity going out altogether. 

The popping of the coffee maker was one of the few, mellow noises of the kitchen that could fill ears. The brown liquid dripped slowly into the pitcher, giving the kitchen that familiar, homey smell one could always love and come back to. Another noise could be the sound of a buzzing microwave, steadily cooking leftovers from weeks ago that probably went bad even before then. The rotisserie spun the fast food around carelessly, the quiet sizzling heard from outside of the door. That smell also began to fill the kitchen; it was an unusual mix with the coffee, but anyone who was hungry or desperate enough probably wouldn’t care either way. Food was food in times of need.

A figure sat at the table with a medical kit spread about the surface. Some gently blood-blotted napkins lay crumbled, wrapping bandages, burn cream… it was like a game of Operation gone horribly realistic. Hissing could be heard from him as he tried to treat himself, which was anything but a good idea. His phone was destroyed and no one even knew he was home. Any contact to the outside world was completely null and void due to the weather, and it was already a hellish time getting _back_ (escaping, respectively) home in the first place.

Oh, Kaneki; after being on the verge of death multiple times in the past couple of weeks, his first initial thought was to, honestly, just end it. He felt so far off from where he was, he didn’t think twice about walking into traffic the second he ran out of that wasteland of a prison he was kept it. With enough physical strength left and wit on the brain, he outsmarted and flipped his captor before legging it. Kaneki, on a more sadistic, would see it as sort of anti-climatic; the tragic lead would always have some huge discord or fight before dying heroically. But alas, that wasn’t so.

The thought of that fantasy, even through his current excruciating pain, would draw a chuckle from him. Even as he dabbed napkins onto his blistering and bleeding scalp, it still amused him. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for tragedies, seeing as that his life was tragic enough to keep him on track instead of slapping the old ‘game over’ in his face. He withdrew the thought for now; the pain of the chemical burns on his scalp was enough to bring him to tears and made it pretty hard to keep his thoughts straight.

His eyes wandered as he dabbed his head; microwave still going, coffee’s almost done, the fridge is probably full of rotten food… lastly, his laptop sat, closed, near the hallway on a stool. He was tempted to go towards it, but refrained; the probability of it being dead was pretty high, and he didn’t have any idea where the charger was. Honestly, he could barely find much of anything; he was lucky enough to find his spare key. His entire residence was unnervingly unfamiliar to him, but it didn’t seem to faze him much. Speaking of the front door, he couldn’t remember if he even locked it.

This specific issue was brought up when he heard the sound of said door squeaking, with some wet footsteps following it. He froze in his seat as the light steps of thinly covered feet patted on his wooden floor. The footsteps were dainty enough to resemble—but it _couldn’t_ be her, could it? As far as Kaneki was concerned, Rize had disappeared off the face of the earth (again) for God knows how long; what else could she want with him?

Footsteps reached the kitchen, and the fierce, danger-ready eyes of Touka turned into something a bit softer. Her pursed lips, readied with any sort of profanity that could provide a threat, parted when she saw the broken young man sitting at the table.

“…Kaneki?” Her eyebrows raised once she finally processed the sight in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“…Don’t you think a better question would be ‘where have you been’?” Kaneki inquired, his voice about as dry as his relief humor. “But… I managed to run back here. Run being the lighter term.”

“Back from where?”

“A place I never want to talk about ever again.”

Her expression softened altogether, and she sighed as she removed her jacket. She slumped it over the chair across from Kaneki at the table and headed for the counter. “Are you making coffee?”

Kaneki nodded. “And nuking some leftovers…”

“Forget that. Drink the coffee, I can make you something else.”

“Touka, it’s fine…”

“Stupid Kaneki. Hush.”

With that, Kaneki zipped his lips. He was in too much of a weak state of mind to argue with her like he normally would. For how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other, Touka hadn’t changed much in that short time. She fiddled with the coffee maker and stopped the microwave, pouring the coffee and disposing of whatever poor excuse for food Kaneki was planning to eat straight into the wastebin.

“..What are you doing here, Touka?” Kaneki turned slightly in the chair, still not quite facing her. “Did you think… I was here?”

“Not at all. I just thought someone broke in.” She grabbed the two mugs, putting one on the table and keeping the other in her hand. “What the hell happened to you? You disappear, we can’t find you, and… your hair, Kaneki!”

“I know, I know…” He ceased the treatment on his head, picking up the cup of coffee with shaky hands. “I’ve… had a number done on me, I guess. I really, _really_ don’t… want to talk about it.”

Another sigh. “Fine, but… your hair.”

“That part was Rize. That was the _only_ thing she did, surprisingly.” Kaneki spat a little, sipping the coffee. “Though, one would wish that the bleaching was the worst thing that happened to me.”

“..I won’t ask any further, then. You can spare me the gory details.”

“Heh, I’m glad you said that.” Kaneki chuckled, clearing his throat before taking another sip of the coffee.

“So… you were taken to whatever place you were at for so long, escaped, and came here?”

“That’s the watered down version, yes. I escaped by the skin of my teeth.”

“But… why here, of all places? Why not Anteiku?”

“…Touka. Don’t you know by now?”

“Know what?”

“That I’m a coward.”

“Kaneki.”

“No, let me talk.” He powered through the soreness of his voice, putting the mug down on the table.

_“…When you can’t touch your face, you clam up. You’re pretty easy to read when it comes to lying. Do you see what kind of point I’m trying to make? Maybe back then a simple apology and exchanged tears would’ve stopped the wound from splitting even more, but all you did by running away was cut deeper.”_

“You know that when I finally left Rize, for the horrible person she turned out to be, and even _was_ to begin with, I didn’t do so with a lot of tact. I left her without closure.”

“You kind of had a right to. She was awful.” Touka put her free hand on her hip. “Even if she’s pissed off for that, she didn’t have a right to practically kidnap you and chemically burn your head.”

“…And I did nothing to make up for it.” Kaneki continued. “I did the same to Hide. I didn’t have the heart to confront him about what he did. All I did was avoid him like the plague and run away since it’s the only thing I know.”

“That’s not true, Kaneki.”

“Yes, it is. I didn’t even _plan_ to see you tonight. My ideas for now were to just sit at home, eat stale and disgusting food, and wallow in my own self-pity and alcohol. I didn’t intend on doing anything worthwhile because I’m not capable of that heroic bullshit anymore. Like I ever was.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. The seclusion isn’t entirely a bad thing, you know.” Touka’s voice grew a little irritated toward the end of her statement, but she let out another sigh. “But, you didn’t deserve to be treated the way you did, even if you were a piece of shit for doing what you did. She could’ve approached it better, but we both know that she doesn’t roll that way.”

“I got my comeuppance. I may say I never want to speak to her again, but… throughout our conversation, she was very vague on her reasoning for tampering with me. She probably thought I didn’t deserve to know her truest, purest intentions…”

“Maybe she did, but I think we can worry about that for another day. At least now, we can cancel the search party...”

“You were searching for me?”

“Yes, stupid, we were.” Touka snapped at him a little. “We all were. Even Hide.”

Kaneki was almost bewildered. “Hide… I… he…?”

“….Yes. Hide was looking for you.” Touka grimaced a little bit. “You really are a mess, aren’t you?”

“A little bit…”

“Then relax. I’ll call Hide, and see if he’s willing come here and talk.”

“W-Wah—But you can’t do that now!” Kaneki was already fretting, nearly dropping his coffee. “Do you have any idea how horrible it is outside? I can’t expect him to come here in such bad conditions!”

“He’d risk his life for you, you know. I’m sure he won’t mind a little rain.” Her hand already went into the pocket of her jeans, and her coffee was set down on the table. “It’ll only take a second to call him up.”

“But Touka—” He tried standing up to protest, only with a nice rush of pain to his head to keep him down in his seat. “Shit—”

She rolled her eyes a little at Kaneki as she brought up Hide’s number, initiating the call and putting the phone to her ear. “You can’t even get up let alone argue with me. Just sit tight while I— Hide? It’s Touka.”

“T-Touka—”

“ _Yes_ , I’m fully aware of the time. I need you over here. Where…? Kaneki’s house— don’t question it, okay? I just need you over he— My reasoning’s none of your damn business.”

“B-But—”

“Yes, it’s still raining. You literally live right nearby, don’t you? Bring something? Mmm… do you have any leftovers in your fridge? — _Yes_ , I’m being serious. Just get over here as quickly as your legs will carry you. Door’s unlocked.”

“T-Touka!” Kaneki exclaimed, slightly painfully, as she ended the call. “W-Why..?”

“Listen, I didn’t say you guys had to talk everything out now, did I?” She raised an eyebrow, shoving her phone back into her pocket. “Just giving you both some reassurance with each other’s company. What you do beyond that isn’t in my control or any of my business.”

“That’s… true, I suppose.” Kaneki’s body became a little less tense; even letting himself sink into his chair a little bit. “B-But, letting him see me like this?”

“As long as you’re still breathing, he won’t care. Now…” She stepped toward him, getting a closing at his head. “Were you treating this?”

“Trying to. It’s sort of hard since my entire body aches…”

“Listen, it’s mostly blisters and open wounds… I can clean up the blood, but for now, let’s just let it air out…”

Despite Kaneki’s whines of pain, Touka resumed the job of trying to clean Kaneki’s head to the best of her abilities. Although the pain was unbearable at some points, Kaneki’s real focus was on Hide; part of him wanted to see him, and part of him didn’t. Part of him wanted to let Hide know he was alive, and another part of him didn’t want Hide to know at all. Either way, the choice wasn’t exactly his; Touka had made the call, mainly to calm the two of them down and get some of the stress in the atmosphere. The epilogue of the discourse was quickly approaching, but Kaneki could only hope that history wouldn’t repeat itself.

He desired to maintain his relationship with Hide, if he could even call it that. It wasn’t really much of a dependency either, but perhaps his mind was too fogged to interpret it either way. It was backed up with so many other thoughts and concerns, he could barely concentrate. Tears rose and dripped from his eyes due to the pain in his scalp, but he silently powered through it. There wasn’t much that could be done, other than waiting for it to heal.

His hand reached for his coffee once Touka did what she could, and she proceeded to sit down across from Kaneki with her own coffee. “So.”

“..So?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow, taking a sip.

“You know this won’t be like Rize, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not running away this time, are you? You’re still here.”

“Not by choice…”

“Listen, you’ll be fine.” Touka reassured. “And if he doesn’t act nice, I’ll escort him outside. If he can’t stay around after all this, he doesn’t deserve you. But I really don’t think he’ll walk out like that.”

“You guys talking about me again? Of course I wouldn’t just leave like that!”

Both heads turned to see a certain, dark-rooted blonde completely soaking wet and holding a flimsy grocery bag. He must’ve come in only seconds beforehand, and quite stealthily considering neither heard him. He looked tired; the ‘I just got out of bed’ kind of tired plastered on his mortified expression as he got an eyeful of Kaneki sitting in the room before him. “H-Hey, Touka. Is that why you wanted—?”

“Mhm. You think I would eat that greasy stuff?”

“You did once.”

“ _Once_. Regardless, it’s not for me. It’s for him. And with that, I’m leaving.”

“W-Wait, you’re—?” Kaneki began to spoke, only to feel pain spike in his back with the sudden, surprised movement.

“I have to open in the morning, sorry!” Of course she wasn’t.

With the slip of shoes and the slamming of the front door passed, Touka was gone without another word. She almost seemed as if she was in a rush to leave, but that wasn’t a concern anymore. Sort of a cliché, rushed set up it was, but it could be ignored. Awkward eye contact between the two boys lasted a few second before Hide managed to finally move his feet.

“Hey, Kaneki, lemme heat this up for you, okay?” His voice was relaxed, but there was a certain, underlying gentleness with the tone. Hide finally approached the table, setting the wet bag down. “Sorry I’m a little wet; rain’s coming down hard and I think it’ll stop until morning…”

“H-Hide—”

“Listen, man. Let’s not talk about it right now, okay?” Hide’s eyes rested onto Kaneki’s as he emptied the bag. “It’s late, you’re probably starving… eat something first, get some rest, and we’ll talk in the morning, ‘kay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue the next chapter guys. if i dont finish it before the end of june; roast me


End file.
